


A Long Awaited Return

by just_writin



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 11:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27969941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_writin/pseuds/just_writin
Summary: Rafael is returning to NYC and gets to reunite with Olivia and Noah. Will they finally get to that dinner?
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 31
Kudos: 142





	1. Dinner Plans are Made

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing.

Olivia looked at the corner of her lap top screen when the video chat notification came through at exactly 7:00pm. It was just like Barba to be right on time. She accepted the chat and his face popped up on her screen. He appeared to be no worse for wear than the last time they spoke a week ago. Since their chat after Simon and Tucker’s passing, they had made it a habit to video chat every couple of weeks. However, that quickly turned into once a week once Noah found out that she was talking to Uncle Rafa again. Even during the busiest of weeks, she found at least 15 minutes to call and talk with him. Often, like tonight, that ended up being in her office late at night while in the middle of the case. Rafael always took time out of his own busy schedule to talk to Noah, usually Sunday nights so he could ask Noah about everything that happened that week and what he was looking forward to in the week to come. Sometimes Olivia secretly listened outside Noah’s bedroom door to listen to their conversations. Not to eaves drop, although that was technically what she was doing, but just so she could hear the pure joy that came from the two of them when they talked together. Noah had also taken to asking Rafael almost every question that came to his mind during the week during these sessions because for whatever reason, he determined that his Uncle Rafa knew the answer to everything. Rafael took it all in stride and answered all his questions with as much honesty and seriousness as he would give to any topic not asked by a second grader. 

“Hey!” Olivia greeted him warmly.

“Hey to you too.” Rafael smiled warmly at her, taking her in as much as he could through the screen. “Another late night at the office?” he unnecessarily questioned.  
Olivia sighed. Between Carisi leaving for the DA’s office and Kat still being green at the job, she had spent more and more time at the office the last few weeks.  
“Unfortunately.” Olivia grumbled back. “Its been a tough few weeks, but I did finally put in for a long weekend next week to spend some time with Noah and just…breathe a little.” She sighed a little at the end and met his warm gaze, at least the best that she could through the screen. He gave her an caring smile, understanding how tough it was for her not to be there in the evenings for Noah. 

“I’m sorry Liv.”

“It’s okay Rafa, there’s nothing that either of us can do at this point. How about you? How are things going over there?”  
He gave her a shrug “The usual. Richard is being as difficult as always, Lori and Michael are finally on board with the final preparations for the primary,” he rolled his eyes at that and Liv gave a small laugh. He had been complaining about those three for months and jokingly believed they were personally making his life more difficult for the sake of it. “I just have a few more things to finish up before I can head out.”  
Olivia finally gave him a once over, needing visual confirmation of how he was doing. He looked tired, but no more so than was to be expected this close to the primary. But he still looked relaxed, more relaxed than she had probably ever seen him the entire 6 years working together. She felt a soft pang in her heart at the thought. He still had his “Iowa beard” as she referred to it. He mentioned the last time they spoke that his mother apparently hated the beard because it made him look scruffy. Olivia personally rather liked the beard, not that she had told him. While she had seen it get closer to the “scruffy” side several times over the course of the last few months, she thought it showed how much more relaxed he was, and how much he trusted her to see him that way. She also rather liked it when he kept it well trimmed. If she chose to reflect on it, she might conclude that she really didn’t care if he had a beard or not, just as long as she got to see him. Their weekly video chats had brought them closer together, almost back to what they were like before he left New York. She just hoped that they could continue the direction they were going when he eventually returned home: which according to her discreetly marked wall calendar, was in just a couple of weeks. She also noticed what appeared to be a couple of boxes just behind his left shoulder, almost hidden behind the small dining table he had in his rented apartment in Iowa. 

“Packing already in anticipation?” she raised an eyebrow at him and nodded over his shoulder. 

“Actually, I am rushing to pack. Turns out they really don’t need me here once everything is finished and in place, which means I can cash out my vacation time and head home early.” He smiled at her as Olivia just stared at him, processing what he was saying.

“Early? When are you coming home?” 

Rafael gave a small chuckle. “As long as everything proceeds as expected, I should be out of here and back in New York in under a week.” Olivia absolutely beamed.

“You’re coming home early.” She checked just one more time.

“I’m coming home early.” he confirmed “I can let you know in the next few days a more solid exit date, but after settling back into my apartment, and visiting my mom, I believe that I owe you dinner.” His smile got a little sad, and a little guilty. “I also believe that I have some making up to do, a couple of birthdays, an apology, and a promotion, _Captain_.” He used her title to emphasize how bad he felt at missing such a big promotion. It had become an unofficial tradition when they worked together: coffee for promotions and dinner for birthdays. Even though they usually bought each other coffee and shared dinners over cases and trial prep, she always felt special when he handed her a coffee with a soft congratulations. And he usually sprung for a fancier take out on her birthday. 

“A couple of birthdays? Time must be different in Iowa because I’m pretty sure you only missed the one birthday.”

“I don’t consider a meal interrupted by my attorney just hours before my murder trial to be a very good birthday dinner.” Rafael deadpanned. Olivia knew that the Householder case still weighed on him, but they never had the chance to really talk about it during their chats. It just felt like something that should be done in person. “Besides,” he continued, “do I really need an excuse to take my best friend out to dinner?” He cautiously met her eye through the camera. And she gave him a soft smile, hoping that he could feel her love a thousand miles away. “No, no really don’t” she tenderly said. 

“Good.” He absolutely beamed and Olivia smiled right back. “So, where do you want to go to dinner Liv?”

“It doesn’t matter to me Rafa, honestly it doesn’t. I just want to spend time with my friend.”

“Okay, a surprise it is.”

Normally, Olivia was not one for surprises, but she would swim the Chesapeake if it meant getting to see him in person for the first time in almost 2 years. “Looking forward to it.” 

*****

Rafael called Olivia couple of days later to let her know that he was officially back in the city the upcoming Tuesday. He planned on unpacking and spending time with his mother Wednesday and Thursday and asked if she was available Friday night for dinner, “but not if it will interfere with your time with Noah” he was quick to add. Olivia assured him that it wouldn’t because she had taken Monday off to spend with her son. And as long as a difficult case didn’t break in the meantime, she was even sure she could escape from the precinct at a reasonable hour for a 7pm dinner. 

“So, where did you decide on where we are going to eat?” Olivia asked. 

“There’s this small place, Bonne Assiette, I hear the food is pretty good.” Rafael said with a smile. Olivia’s heart stopped. 

“You’re kidding. Rafa, that is…that is supposed to be an amazing restaurant! I know we said we were getting dinner but I though…I don’t know something a bit more than burgers and fries but certainly not that!”

“What’s wrong with Bonne Assiette?”

“Nothing! It’s just…its really nice, and…” nice was an understatement and she _KNEW_ that he knew it. Bonne Assiette was known to be small and intimate, with amazing food and difficult to get table reservations. It was somewhere that well off society members went to celebrate wedding anniversaries and young couples went for a special engagement. It was NOT somewhere you took your just friend, no matter how many birthdays or promotions you missed. Rafael interrupted her train of thought.

“And it is exactly the kind of place that I think you would enjoy. If you don’t want to go, that’s fine, we can get burgers and fries and sit on the street corner for all I care Liv.” He paused and she heard him sigh through the phone. “Look, I know it’s a little nicer than we usually go for…” Liv snorted “…but you of all people deserve it. I just want to do something nice for my friend.”

Olivia’s heart somehow burst and sunk at the same time. He wanted to do something nice for her…for his _friend_. 

“Oh okay.” As hard as she tried she knew she wasn’t able to keep all of the disappointment from her voice. She was really hoping that his return to New York would be a turn for them too, towards something more.

“I told you before, I have some making up to do and I figured that celebrating you and your accomplishments would be a good place to start. Besides…” Rafael continued in a more upbeat tone, “there will be plenty of time for burgers and pizza and whatever else you want in the future. I told you that I was coming home Liv, and I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.” She could hear his smile and let his reassuring tone wash over her. 

“Okay Rafa.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up Friday. 6:30 alright?”

She agreed and then they hung up. Olivia stared off at the wall of her office, wondering what she and Rafael were doing.

 _I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon_. She felt like he was sending her mixed signals and neither her head nor her heart knew what to believe. There was no doubt in her mind that they were friends, best friends even. But was that all they were ever going to be? If she thought back to those last few months before Rafael left, Olivia could replay moments between them where it felt like they were moving forward. Shared looks over dinner and drinks; touches on her arm or back, or on his shoulders would linger just a bit longer; he even took Noah to the museum one day when Olivia was called into the precinct and Lucy was sick. 

_I just want to do something nice for my friend_. But was it all just one sided? Did she imagine the glances and the touches? Was it all just a close platonic friendship for him? Did he even realize what he did to her? How her heart sped up when he entered a room, how listening to him talk and seeing him even just on the screen made her feel safe and warm. 

But then there was the restaurant, a place she never dreamed someone would take her to. But even that wasn’t true. She did think about who would take her there, but when she fantasized about a night at Bonne Assiette, it was always with Rafael and they were always on a date. And with that thought she came full circle back to thinking about how it felt when he used to place a hand on the small of her back or how strong his shoulders felt under her hand. 

Olivia groaned in frustration, went back out to the bullpen, and got back to work. There would be time to agonize over everything later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I am aware, this restaurant does not actually exist. I also am not very imaginative with the name, so please forgive me.


	2. Friday Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael finally arrives home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a vague idea of where this is going, like I said hopefully a few chapters. Hope you like chapter 2.

Friday arrived and Olivia was prepared but nervous. She picked her dress out the night before, a deep purple dress that came to her knee, nice enough for the restaurant but not so formal as to be overdressed, heels, and some subtle gold jewelry. Lucy had agreed to watch Noah and, blessedly, nothing had broken at work that she couldn’t entrust to Fin to manage. With everything seemingly running smoothly, Olivia bid the squad goodnight at 5:00pm and wished them a good weekend…choosing to ignore the knowing looks she got from both Amanda and Fin. 

It was just the day before that Carisi had walked into the squad room, ready to share his newly discovered news: 

“Hey Liv, I just heard a rumor that Barba was back in town. Did you hear about that?” Carisi asked it innocently enough, having genuinely just heard from a receptionist in the DA’s office, who overheard their boss talking to someone else who heard it from whoever. None of them could really follow the line of dissemination that Carisi recited and frankly none of them really cared because the important news still reached the squad room: Barba had returned.

Fin and Amanda both looked at Liv, waiting to see her reaction. Kat, having heard about former ADA in passing but not understanding the significance of the news, quickly lost interest and continued compiling information on the current case. Liv was thankfully looking at the board with information on the case and was able to take a moment in order to control the butterflies in her stomach before answering. She turned to the others,

“Yeah, I heard. We’re actually getting dinner tomorrow to catch up. Were you able to talk to the judge about our witness testimony?” she quickly diverted the conversation back to the case. It didn’t fool anyone, but she appreciated the squad’s discretion. 

As she was walking out the door she got a text from the man himself

**I know we said 6:30 but would it be okay if I swung by a little early? I would feel bad not getting a chance to talk to Noah before we leave, I’ve missed him**.

Olivia bit back a groan in the elevator as those pesky butterflies took off once more. Of course he wanted to say hi to Noah, and she knew that Noah would love a visit from his favorite uncle because that is ALL he had talked about since she had told him they were going to dinner that night.

**Of course! Noah would love it** , was her short response. 

Once home, Olivia greeted Lucy and quickly debriefed the day with her son as he did homework with Lucy at the kitchen table. She could tell he was excited to see his Uncle Rafa but also still disappointed that he wasn’t going to dinner with them. She decided to keep his early arrival a surprise. Not knowing what Rafael had in mind by a “little early,” Olivia quickly showered, shaved, and began blow drying her hair. She left it relatively un-styled, choosing to embrace this as an apparent not-date with her just-friend.

By 6:00pm she was zipped into her dress and had makeup on. She went out to the living room to grab her wallet and phone out of her work bag and transition them to a small clutch when there was a knock on the door. She took a deep breath, paused, and opened door.

Rafael Barba stood, grinning like an idiot on the other side. Dressed in a dark navy-blue suit, crisp white shirt, top button undone, and no tie; he looked effortlessly dashing. Paired with a neatly trimmed Iowa beard, Olivia was surprised she didn’t swoon right then and there. Instead, she took a moment to grin just as stupidly right back at him before throwing her arms around his neck in a hug. Rafael immediately wrapped his arms around her, holding her against him for a long moment before stepping back.

His smile had softened, but his eyes were still bright with excitement. 

“It is so good to see you Liv.”

“It’s good to see you too. New beard?” she teased him, and he laughed jovially. Rafael looked her up and down before meeting her gaze again. 

“You look…absolutely amazing” he said sincerely. Before Olivia could comment on his appearance in return, she heard running footsteps coming from inside the apartment…which could only mean one thing. 

Rafael heard them too. He gave her a wink before diverting his gaze to the inbound 7-year-old. Olivia wisely stepped aside, gripping the door frame for support as her legs suddenly turned to jello, and let him into the entry before closing the door behind them. 

“UNCLE RAFA!” Noah yelled.

Rafael quickly dropped to a knee so he could accept the running hug. 

“Noah, it’s good to see you amigo!” Rafael laughed as he returned Noah’s enthusiastic hug. 

“I am so glad that you’re back Uncle Rafa! We missed you, didn’t we Mom? Can I come to dinner with you guys? And Lucy too? Now that you’re back can we go to the park? And the Zoo? Michael from school said the dinosaurs at the museum are really cool, can we go back there? Are you back forever now? WILL YOU BE ABLE TO SEE ME DANCE AT MY RECITAL SOON?” 

Noah’s questions came rapid fire, and were increasingly louder, with no room for Rafael to answer. Olivia just smiled and looked up from the pair as Lucy made her way into the living room, having slowly followed the bolting child. Lucy gave the three of them one look then dramatically clutched at her heart and gave Liv a look that clearly said _they are too cute to handle_. Olivia simply nodded back at her. 

Rafael was eventually able to extract himself from Noah, placing his hands on either of his shoulders to hold him in place as he tried to answer his questions.

“I missed you and your mom too, I would love to get dinner with you AND your mom, but maybe another day. Yes, Lucy is welcome to come to any dinner,” at this Rafael looked to the young woman and nodded in greeting. Lucy gave him a wave. “I would love to go to the park, and the zoo, and the museum, we just have to ask your mom first, okay?” Noah nodded eagerly

“and…” Rafael trailed off for theatrics. Noah leaned in closer, eyes wide.

“…I will, of course, be front row of your dance recital. Your mom told me about it a month ago, so I wrote it in my calendar. Look.” Rafael pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulled up his calendar, and showed Noah the entry:

**7:00-9:00 Noah’s Dance Recital**

“Cool!” Noah exclaimed once again. 

Rafael stood and let Noah lead him over to the couch. They sat next to each other, Rafael leaned against the back of the couch, turned so he could give Noah his full attention. Noah was talking a mile a minute again and Rafael just smiled and nodded, taking in everything he was saying.

From her position against the door, Olivia took moment to take everything in. She rarely saw Noah so animated with anyone outside of her and Lucy, even when he saw Amanda and the girls. Olivia reflected that Rafael and Noah had always been close. Well, once Noah was firmly out of diapers, they had become close. Rafael had always taken time when he was over for cases to sit and just talk with the boy. Even when all he got was babble in return, Rafael would sit with Noah and just talk as if Noah could understand everything he was saying. He even went so far to get Liv a set of children’s books in Spanish so that she could read them to Noah. Although Rafael made guest appearances for story time frequently during tough cases when he and Liv needed to prep for trial or decompress over drinks when she didn’t want to make Lucy stay late with the then toddler. 

She took a long look at them sitting together now, as if nothing had changed. Yet so much had. Noah was older now, expressing his interest in different things: changing from baseball to dance. Rafael had encouraged Noah when he told him about starting dance lessons. For a boy that was naturally a little shy, that encouragement from an adult male made a huge difference for Noah at lessons, giving him more confidence and Olivia had seen him open up more with his classmates. Olivia hoped that regardless of where she and Rafael stood after dinner he would continue to be a strong and supportive influence in Noah’s life.  
Rafael looked up from his conversation with Noah, calm eyes full of happiness. They shared a small grin with one another before he asked Noah about school and Olivia decided she finally needed to move out of the entryway. 

Lucy had tried to make herself discreet in the kitchen, fiddling with putting dishes away while snooping on the Benson’s interactions with Rafael. She had always like Mr. Barba and had also noticed how he had positively affected Noah through the years. Lucy had been secretly rooting for Olivia and Mr. Barba to get together for years. 

Olivia finally made her way back through the apartment, wallet and phone in hand. 

“You two get caught up, I just need a few more minutes to finish getting ready.” She lied as she tried to give them time to talk. Afterall, there would be plenty of time for her and Rafael to catch up over dinner. Olivia blushed only a little when she caught Rafael watching her as she walked by. Olivia joined Lucy in the kitchen.

“You look great Liv, I’m glad you and Mr. Barba have a chance to catch up.” Lucy was fishing, Olivia knew it. She gave the younger woman a slightly exasperated look, but any real heat was lost because she was trying to hold back her smile. 

“Yeah, it will be good to talk again.”

“Yep.” Lucy paused. “He looks good, beard is new, he looks fit too.” More fishing. 

Olivia simply nodded and turned her gaze to the couch, where she could see the back of Rafael’s head and his broad shoulders. While he had always been in shape, there was no doubt that whatever he had been doing in Iowa had trimmed him down and bulked up his chest and shoulders. She thought she recognized the suit as one he had worn before, but the jacket was a little tighter in the shoulders and upper arms, accentuating his physique. She cleared her throat, refusing to meet Lucy’s eye.

“Yeah, he looks good.” She could see Lucy’s smile and raised eyebrows out of the corner of her eye. 

After a few minutes, Olivia was running out of things to keep herself occupied in the kitchen. While she appreciated Rafael’s intention to see Noah, the wait for their friends non-date was driving her crazy. She just wanted to talk to him, REALLY talk to him, like they used to. Olivia didn’t want to get ahead of herself, but she couldn’t help but hope all week that this would be the first of many dinners. Based on the way he kept looking at her, she finally allowed herself to hope that she and Rafael were finally on the same page. It had been a little chilly out all day, making it excusable to walk closer than would maybe be appropriate. Nothing they hadn’t done before in the past on cold New York winter days, walking from one office to the other. Maybe he would put his hand on her back, like he used to. Maybe they would sit closer than normal at the restaurant. Maybe she would make some excuse to link their arms on the way home. Maybe they could talk about going on a real date. Maybe he would stay…

There was a knock at the door.


	3. Surprise Guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Olivia get some surprise guests.

Lucy turned to look at Olivia. Olivia stared questioningly at the door. Rafael, while still listening to Noah, turned to look over his shoulder at Olivia, then back to the door. Noah appeared to not have heard the knock at all.

Olivia walked across the apartment to the front door, looking through the peephole. Two blonde women, one around Olivia’s age, the other younger but clearly related stood on the other side. Olivia quickly pulled the door open.

“Kathy? Kathleen?”

“Olivia, I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go.” The older blonde spoke, clearly upset. 

“What…what’s going on? Are you okay?” Olivia questioned, her concern growing. She hadn’t seen either of the two women for over a decade. For either of them to show up on her literal doorstep out of the blue was enough to send her mind into overdrive. 

“We’re fine…we just…we need help and don’t know who to trust. I called Cragen but he’s off somewhere in Florida and he gave me your address. I’m so sorry to just show up like this but we’re desperate.” Kathy was clearly rattled; Kathleen hadn’t said a word but was clearly distressed. Olivia quickly ushered them inside. 

“Hey, its okay, you are always welcome here, just please tell me what’s going on. Is someone hurt, are you in trouble…” Olivia trailed off, leaving an opportunity for either of the women to clue her into their surprise appearance. 

“No, no, we’re fine. Well not really, but…” Kathly looked to Kathleen.

“I need you help Olivia.” Kathleen interrupted. “My ex…he…ummm…” Kathleen trailed off, clearly uncomfortable after so long. 

“Kathleen,” Olivia started “did he hurt you?” Olivia’s chest tightened. 

“NO, nothing like that, he just…” Kathleen tried to continue but for the first time since stepping across the threshold she looked behind Olivia at the rest of the apartment. She looked back at Olivia taking everything in; the dress, the makeup, and the jewelry; the handsome bearded man on the couch with a young boy; a young woman in the kitchen. 

“…he just…ummmm…its nothing. Never mind.” Kathleen turned to her mom, who had also taken in the rest of the room. Olivia narrowed her eyes at the two women in front of her, but her gaze was filled with concern and compassion. 

“You came here for a reason. Now, I know it has been a while, but you can talk to me.” Olivia put her hand on Kathleen’s arm, gently pulling her further into the apartment and away from the door, fearing a quick escape.

“PLEASE, just talk to me.” Olivia’s eyes flicked from one woman to the other, pleading with them to trust her and not to run. Kahthleen’s eyes watered and she nodded slightly, allowing Olivia to lead her into the kitchen. Kathy followed; her own arm looped through one of Kathleen’s for moral support. Olivia pulled out two chairs out from the kitchen table, directing Kathy into one and Kathleen into the other, making sure they were next to each other. 

“Olivia, really, we can come back another time, we don’t need to be interrupting your night. Clearly you were on the way out with your…” Kathy trailed off, looked back into the living room at the man and the boy. Clearly the man was here for Olivia, but after so long out of touch she had no idea if it was a husband or a boyfriend. The boy could be seen in framed pictures around the apartment, clearly Olivia’s son although she had no idea when Olivia had him.

“Rafael is my friend, and he understands. Just give me a moment, okay? Do either of you want some water?” Kathy slowly nodded as Kathleen tried to avoid her eyes. Olivia looked again from one to the other, trying to convey that it truly was okay and she _wanted_ them here, that she was going to be there for them if they would let her. 

Olivia slowly turned back towards the living room. Rafael whispered something to Noah, then Noah ran off towards his room grinning from ear to ear. Olivia quirked an eyebrow at him as he stood up from the couch and turned towards her. 

“I told him to go through his Lego and we could build something.” He told her. Olivia smiled for a moment, then closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Rafael brought a hand to her upper arm, caressing it slightly before letting it come to rest. 

“Hey, everything okay?” Olivia opened her eyes. Rafael was looking at her, eyebrows drawn in concern.

“That is Kathy and Kathleen Stabler. Elliott’s wife and daughter. Kathleen said something about her ex, nothing much yet, but for them to come to _me_ after all this time…”

“You’re worried.”

“Yeah.” It came out as a sigh. It took more effort than she was willing to admit to meet his eye again.

“I don’t think we’re going to make that dinner reservation. I’m so sorry, Rafael.” She felt like she was crushing her own heart. Even though she knew he would understand, it had been so long since they had seen each other and she felt like she was disappointing him. He had left for a reason and now right when they were reconnecting, she felt like her past and her job were getting in the way…like it always seemed to.

“Liv,” Rafael’s other hand came up brace her other arm, holding her softly as he looked her in the eye. “you have _nothing_ to apologize for; we have time. The restaurant isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.” Rafael looked at her with all of the warmth, kindness, and understanding that she remembered. 

“Do you want me to leave so you can talk?” 

Olivia opened her mouth to respond but froze. No. She didn’t want him to leave, but she also didn’t have a legitimate reason for him to stay. Her brow furrowed in thought. Rafael’s soft smile returned.

“How does this sound: I order some food and entertain Noah while you work though whatever the Stabler’s need help with. Lucy would probably be fine with a Friday night off. And if there’s time after everything is taken care of, we can talk, or you can kick me out and we can reschedule for another time. I would never get in the way of Olivia Benson helping her friends.” Rafael stated simply but with a smile, green eyes piercing into hers. 

“Are you sure?” Olivia raised her eyebrows at him, but she had a half smile. Rafael nodded and Olivia’s smile widened.

“Okay.” 

“Okay” he said softly in return. 

Noah came back around the corner, a bucket of Lego in his hands. 

“I got the best ones!” 

“Perfect!” Rafael released Olivia’s shoulders to take the container from Noah’s hands and put it on the coffee table. “Ya know, Noah, I don’t think your Mom and I are going to make it out for dinner, so what do you think we should order in?” Rafael questioned as he removed his jacket and draped it over the back of the couch. 

“PIZZA!” Noah exclaimed.

“Pizza? I think that is a great idea. I haven’t had pizza in _ages_.” 

“Do they not have pizza in Iowa?” 

“No, not really.” Rafael chuckled and Noah turned to look to his mother, horrified that his Uncle Rafa had been living without pizza for so long.

“Mom, is that true?” Olivia smiled warmly at him and rolled her eyes.

“No, Noah, I’m pretty sure Rafa is exaggerating. I’m sure they have pizza in Iowa.” She stared pointedly at Rafael, but he was already on his phone looking up the number to a local pizzeria, smirking slightly. 

“Debatable.” Rafael tilted his head in her direction, “But I will concede the point that Iowa has what they _call_ pizza, even if it doesn’t live up to New York standards.” 

Olivia chuckled to herself as she walked to the kitchen. 

“Uncle Rafa, you’re funny” Noah said behind her. 

She grabbed a couple of glasses down from the cupboards to fill them with water. 

“Lucy, I’m sorry to do this to you, but it looks like we are eating in tonight.”

“Oh, Liv, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, really it is. You are of course welcome to stay. Rafael is ordering pizza, but if you would rather spend a Friday night at home or with friends, I completely understand. I will pay you for the night either way.” Olivia put the glasses down and turned to her nanny. 

“That is not necessary, the time off is enough. Are you sure you have everything covered?” 

A chorus of laughter came from the living room. Rafael’s deep voice carrying through the apartment as it accompanied Noah’s own howls of laughter. Lucy and Liv shared a look.

“I think we have it covered, thanks Lucy.”

“In that case, I will leave you to it. I know this isn’t how you planned the evening, but I still hope it goes well.” Lucy suggestively waggled her eyebrows at Liv, by far the most sass she had ever given her employer and friend. Olivia looked slightly shocked at the outburst, but also smiled and laughed along with her. 

“Just get home safe.”

Lucy bid Olivia goodnight, then stopped to make sure Rafael and Noah had everything taken care of before grabbing her coat and purse, heading home for the evening. 

Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled. Grabbing the glasses from the counter, she returned to the dinning room table.


	4. Reconnecting and Recommendations

Olivia placed the water in front of either woman before taking her seat.

“I know that this is difficult, but I also want you to understand that I am here to help you in any way that I can, okay?” Both women nodded. “Okay, start from the beginning.”

Kathleen took a deep breath, “About 3 years ago I had a very brief relationship with a guy named Matt Michaels. We had a couple of classes together in college and were friendly with each other, but we lost touch after graduation until we bumped into each other at a coffee shop one morning. He was really charming, we flirted, and we dated for a few months, but it was nothing serious.” She paused and looked up nervously at Olivia, who nodded for her to continue. 

“I got pregnant. We had already ended things when I found out, but he said he still wanted to be involved, and I let him. I should have never let him.” Kathleen whispered, trying hard not to let the tears fall.

“When Isabelle was born, he was perfect with her. He helped pay for diapers and food and checkups. He respected how I wanted to raise her and never tried to challenge me on visitations or anything like that. When she turned 6 months, we put an official parenting plan in place that was overwhelmingly in my favor. He had no complaints. He actually argued in favor of my having more time and rights with Isabelle. Considering everything, it was basically perfect.” Kathleen paused to take a sip of water, her grip on the glass causing her knuckles to turn white. 

“Matt was still an aspiring politician at the time, nothing major but enough that he wasn’t around much, which is why I never had a hard time with custody issues; he was never home, always off at some fundraiser or telethon or board meeting. About a year ago, that all changed. He got elected to the Queens borough board and ever since has been pushing back on the custody agreement. At first it was small things, like being late to a pickup or drop off, or needing to cancel all together for a meeting. Then he started texting me and messaging me on social media, asking for more visitation.”

“Did you tell him that all parenting plan adjustments need to go through the courts?” Olivia asked.

“Of course! That is the first thing I told him. I said that we could relook at the parenting plan and discuss more visitation rights if he wanted them, but he said he didn’t want to wait for a court decision. The very next time he had Isabelle he was almost 2 hours late to drop her off. I was furious. He said he took her to one of his fundraisers; wanted to show her off to his friends and colleagues.” Kathleen buried her face in her hands in order to try to control her emotions. When she looked up, her eyes were red and watery.

“We argued and it was pretty ugly.” Kathy reached over and placed a comforting hand on her daughter’s. “He brought up my past issues with drugs and alcohol and my bipolar- disorder. He said that I wasn’t fit to Isabelle’s mother.” Kathleen cleared her throat. “That…that was hard to hear and….and I KNOW it isn’t true, but we continued to argue for a few days, mostly over text, until he finally stopped. I didn’t realize for another week that I never told him about the drinking and drugs.”

“I confronted him a few days later about how he found out about it. He started telling me all of these things that he knew about me. Past relationships, Dad covering up the DUI, the breaking and entering. He even brought up the issues that Richard had in school and all of that should have been sealed or at least confidential within the schools! I don’t know HOW he got the information, but he has it. I left that night and didn’t hear from him for weeks. He never showed up to pick up Isabelle and he didn’t reach out again until he wanted to bring her to a political function, some kind of rally. I told him no.”

“Since then, he hasn’t stopped. I get 20 messages a day, from different accounts, through texts and social media. They talk about how I don’t deserve Isabelle, how Dad has covered for me in the past and that means he could be doing that now to cover up a drinking and drug problem. He even claimed in one of the messages that I was abusing Isabelle and threatened to call CPS! He won’t stop, I keep blocking numbers and accounts, but they keep popping up. I tried to report the harassment but was told that there was nothing that the police could do. The officer I spoke with even suggested that I should just do what he wants, and it would all go away.” Olivia bristled, having heard similar stories of police dismissing victims of domestic violence.

“This morning he sent me another text, from a new number. He said that if I didn’t give him Isabelle that he was going to officially petition to have my rights as a mother revoked. Then he said that if I went to the cops he would bring up everything that happened in my past, prove that everything is all part of a NYPD conspiracy to cover up years of my crimes and abusive behavior. Over the years he has made some friends in the NYPD and the Mayor’s office, I don’t know how high up, but I’m afraid that with them on his side they could frame me.” Kathleen sobbed quietly, tears streaming down her face. Olivia reached over and put a comforting hand on her back. Kathy looked pale, staring at a spot on the table.

“Olivia, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who to trust. I panicked and called Mom this afternoon. I am just so _terrified_ that he is going to try to take her away from me.”

Kathy looked up and gave Olivia a pleading look, “With everything that’s been going on, I’m not sure who to trust. But I know you Liv, _please _we need your help.”__

__Olivia looked at both women, desperate for her help and her heart nearly broke for them. She wished it hadn’t taken such traumatic situation form them to reach out, but she also hadn’t kept in touch since Elliott left the force. Which reminded her…_ _

__“Kathleen, does you Dad know about any of this?” Kathleen rolled her eyes._ _

__“Are you kidding? No, absolutely not. Dad has never acted rationally when it comes to family, especially when things start going downhill. Plus, with the accusations of a cover up the absolute _last_ thing that I need is him swooping in and trying to fix things by beating the crap out of my ex.” Olivia tilted her head in understanding. She was just about to say something else when there was a knock at the door. She saw Rafael stand up and pull some money out of his wallet. _ _

___It must be the delivery guy _Olivia thought. He came back in to view, two boxes of large pizza in hand, and placed it on the counter between the living room and kitchen.__ _ _

____Olivia turned back to Kathleen._ _ _ _

____“I understand that this is difficult, but like I said, I am here for you as we work though this. Did you save any screen shots of the texts and threats that he sent you?” Kathleen nodded and pulled out her phone. Out of the corner of her eye, Olivia saw Rafael rummage through her cupboards for plates, setting a stack down at the end of the counter before taken two and loading them up with pizza, returning to Noah in the living room. He gave her a look, clearly telling her to eat something._ _ _ _

____“While you pull that up, I’m going to grab us some food.” Olivia made her way to the kitchen, loaded up the rest of the plates with pizza. One box had pepperoni (Noah’s favorite) and the other a white sauce with spinach, feta, sausage, and mushroom (one of Olivia’s favorite). She looked at Rafael in the living room, sitting on the floor next to her son as they ate off the coffee table and continue to build Lego creations. He looked up and met her gaze once again, smiled, and held a piece of pepperoni pizza in the air in a silent toast. She returned his smile as her heart fluttered in her chest. She returned to the dining room table._ _ _ _

____“I saved all of the messages he sent me, including the ones from social media because I was afraid of what would happen if he deleted the profiles.”_ _ _ _

____“That’s great Kathleen, all of that can be used as evidence to show that he has been threatening and harassing you this whole time. Is there anything to indicate that he would be violent with you or with Isabelle?” Olivia asked as she skimmed through the texts, looking for any glaring red flags for violence or escalating behavior._ _ _ _

____“No, he would never be physical with either of us. He thrives on mind games and manipulation, getting his hands dirty isn’t really his style.”_ _ _ _

____“Okay, where is Isabelle right now?”_ _ _ _

____“She’s with Maureen and her husband for the night, they are always happy to take her and let her play with her cousins.” Kathleen replied._ _ _ _

____“Okay, good. Here’s what we’re going to do…” Olivia preceded to lay out as much information as she could think of about Kathleen’s situation. Unfortunately, based on what she had heard, this was going to be a civil issue to be handled by the court system. She gave Kathleen some names of people she knew in Queens who would take her reports of harassment and threats from her ex seriously and recommended she see them immediately to document the texts and messages._ _ _ _

____“Unfortunately, the court process for custody issues can be long and tiresome, I would recommend that you find a good lawyer. Until he escalates to doing something in person, just continue to document everything, every message, every custody agreement violation. I know that this is difficult to hear, but you also need to hold up your end of the agreement, I don’t you _you_ to get in trouble by not following a court ordered agreement. Then take him to court as soon as possible with all of the evidence.”_ _ _ _

____Kathleen sighed, her head in her hands._ _ _ _

____“You wouldn’t happen to know a good lawyer, would you?” Kathleen muttered from her hands._ _ _ _

____At that moment, Rafael’s laugh boomed through the apartment. All three women turned towards the noise._ _ _ _

____Rafael was still on the floor, reclined against the couch with his head tilted back in laughter. He had rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows. Noah was beside him, laughing so hard that he was shaking and gasping for air. Rafael reached over and placed a hand on his back, trying to whisper…_ _ _ _

____“Buddy, we need to be quiet while your mom talks with her friends okay?”_ _ _ _

____“But Rafa…that was so….so funny.” Noah was still laughing but managed to make out the sentence._ _ _ _

____Rafael tried to shush him and direct his attention back to his Lego._ _ _ _

____Kathy and Kathleen looked at Olivia, the smile obvious on her face and soft love in her eyes. They exchanged a look before Olivia returned her focus back to them._ _ _ _

____“Umm” Olivia started, trying to refocus on their conversation and contain her smile, which was unprofessional considering the circumstances of why they were at her apartment in the first place._ _ _ _

____“Sorry. I do have a few names but would have to ask around for one that specializes in family court. The lawyer I have for Noah doesn’t usually handle these types of cases.” Olivia paused. “Actually, Rafael might know of someone. He never worked family court but knows enough people in the private and public sector that he could probably make a recommendation.”_ _ _ _

____They looked at her, confused but unsure how to ask…_ _ _ _

____“Noah is adopted. It was a pretty special circumstance that Langan, his lawyer, volunteered to take on.” Olivia clarified. The adoption wasn’t something she typically went around sharing because Noah was _her_ son regardless of biology, but it was a question she was used to hearing from people. As a single, unattached mother with few serious relationships over the years, it was understandable that when she ran into people from her past, they would ask questions, as irritating as it was to explain. _ _ _ _

____Kathy smiled at her._ _ _ _

____“I know you always wanted a family, and I am so glad that you got to have one. I’m happy for you Olivia.” Olivia smiled back. Kathy was only a few years older than her and they had become close over the course of her partnership with Elliott. Even after all the time apart, the sentiment was nice to hear._ _ _ _

____“Thank you. How is the rest of your family? It has been so long since I have seen any of you that I am just at a complete loss.”  
Kathy shrugged her shoulders but continued to smile. _ _ _ _

____“Everyone is good. Maureen and her husband Daniel have 2 little girls, 7 and 5. Kathleen has Isabelle and are doing great considering everything. Richard joined the army, against our wishes, but he’s an adult. It has actually been really good for him. Elizabeth graduated from college just a few years ago and is working for a publishing company here in New York. Eli is in middle school now, if you can believe it, and is already such a teenager that some days I don’t know how we’re going to get through it.”_ _ _ _

____Olivia and Kathy shared a chuckle._ _ _ _

____The light change of topic really seemed to break the ice and the three women shared and swapped stories from the last several years. Olivia tried to stay away from talking about work, actively avoiding anything that could trigger bad memories for either woman. Family was a safe and welcome topic: Olivia talked about raising her precious Noah, picking Kathy’s brain for any advice on raising a teenager. Kathleen shared her own stories of recent motherhood. During another lull in the conversation, Olivia checked the clock. The three had been discussing and laughing for almost an hour and a half although it seemed like no time had passed at all._ _ _ _

____“He got an offer to go back, Elliott did, about a month ago. Organized Crime.” Olivia scrunched her brow in confusion._ _ _ _

____“Is he going to take it?”_ _ _ _

____Kathy sighed._ _ _ _

____“Probably. We’ve talked and argued about it. Elliott started doing PI and consulting work after he left, but he’s a cop through and through. I know he misses it, as difficult as it is for the rest of us.” Olivia sighed as well._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry Kathy. I know you two haven’t seen eye to eye on his job, I can only imagine what him going back to the NYPD is like for you and Eli.”_ _ _ _

____“It’s going to be tough, but at least the rest of the kids are out of the house, so it will just be me and Eli.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, if you need anything, I am here for you. _ALL_ of you.” Olivia looked at the both of them, feeling a sense of relief she never knew she needed when she lost contact with them. Kathy cleared her throat._ _ _ _

____“Speaking of the job…Does _Rafael_ understand the difficulties of the job.” She asked with a smirk and a quirked eyebrow. Olivia bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, but she knew she was only partially successful. _ _ _ _

____“Like I said, Rafael is a _friend_ ,” she emphasized. _ _ _ _

____Kathleen snorted and gave her a look, clearly not buying it._ _ _ _

____“Do all of your attractive male friends sit on the floor and play with your son after you cancel what looks like a date at a _very nice_ restaurant.” Olivia’s cheeks tinged pink as she fought to keep her composure together. _ _ _ _

____“It’s not a date” Olivia countered._ _ _ _

____“It sure looks like a date. He’s handsome. You look amazing in that dress. Liv, it looks like a date.” Kathy joined in the good-natured inquisition._ _ _ _

____“We’re friends. He just got back to town. Its just dinner, not a date.”_ _ _ _

____“No one dresses up like this for dinner with a friend. It has to be a date.”_ _ _ _

____Olivia cleared her throat softly, lowering her voice. Ever since she and Rafael made plans, she had been secretly dying to share the information with someone who could help her figure out what to do and how to interpret their _not date_. _ _ _ _

____“He made it very clear that this was a chance for _friends_ to catch up. Not a date.” Olivia revealed. _ _ _ _

____The other two women shared a look before Kathleen spoke again._ _ _ _

____“Where was he going to take you?”_ _ _ _

____“Bonne Assiette.” Olivia replied with a look that was a cross between a smile and a grimace._ _ _ _

____Kathy and Kathleen’s eyebrows rose._ _ _ _

____“Liv, no man takes his _just friend _to a place like _that_. Honey, you need to accept that we just gate crashed your date.” Olivia sighed and leaned back in her chair. It was nice to talk to them about it. As close as she and Rollins had become and as close as she and Melinda were, she didn’t want to share with people who knew about _them_ , who would let the past influence their current situation because everything had changed since he left. She knew that he had been doing some healing after the Householder case. He was back in town, doing who knows what, but she was finally ready to try. She had missed him so much since he left, and he seemed to be trying so hard to work himself back into her life. It really felt like a missing piece of her life had finally returned. Eventually, she would talk to Melinda or Rollins. Hell, she would even talk to Fin about it because she valued their opinions. But for now, she just needed someone unbiased…___ _ _ _

______“He said it would a good chance to _talk_.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______All three women turned to the living room again, trying to determine Rafael’s motivations for the night’s dinner._ _ _ _ _ _

______Rafael and Noah had apparently abandoned Legos and were sitting on the couch talking in low voices. Olivia could tell that Rafa was telling him a story. Noah had always been enchanted by Rafael’s stories, whether they came from a book, his childhood, other experiences, or even if he just made them up. A natural storyteller, Rafael also thrived on Noah’s rapt attention._ _ _ _ _ _

______Kathy and Kathleen turned back around, eyes big and lower lips pouted out as if they had just seen a pile of puppies._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, whatever his intentions are, the two of them are absolutely adorable together.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Olivia smiled. “They have always been close.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“How long have you known him?” Kathy asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Eight years; he was our ADA for 6, but he left almost 2 years ago. We kept in contact; Noah adores his Uncle Rafa.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Clearly he isn’t the only one.” Kathleen muttered just loud enough for her mother and Olivia to hear. Oliva shot her a look, but it was all show. Olivia looked back over at Rafael, remembering years’ worth of memories._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He’s been there for me through a lot, some of the toughest fights of my life. But he was also there for the good times, like adopting Noah. Rafael has been my best friend for years; I just hope that we will finally be on the same page.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, I’m happy for you Liv. You have a beautiful family and based on tonight alone, it looks like you have a great candidate for Mr. Olivia Benson over there.” Kathy said with a small but genuine smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Thanks, that means a lot. And I mean it when I say that I will be there for you both. If you want me at court, just let me know.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I might call you for that. Do you think we could still get the lawyer recommendation from Mr. Perfect of there?” Kathleen teased._ _ _ _ _ _

______The three women stood up from the table. Olivia collected their plates and glasses, quickly dropping them in the sink in the kitchen before leading them into the living room to make introductions._ _ _ _ _ _

______Whatever story Rafael was spinning for Noah was paused as they approached. Rafael stood and held out his hand._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Rafael Barba, its nice to meet you.” He shook each of their hands as they introduced themselves in turn._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Noah, honey, I want you to meet a couple of my friends. Kathy, Kathleen, this is my son, Noah.” Olivia said with pride._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Noah Benson, its nice to meet you.” Noah held out his hand to each of the women, copying his Uncle Rafa. Olivia rolled her eyes as the two women laughed and Rafael let lose a soft smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Do you work with my Mom like Aunt Amanda and Uncle Fin and Uncle Sonny?”  
Kathy smiled down at Noah._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, my husband used to work with your Mom a long time ago, before you were born. That’s how we became friends.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“How long ago? Longer than when Mom and Uncle Rafa worked together?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Olivia chuckled, “Yes sweetheart, it was before I even met your Uncle Rafa.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Noah’s eyes got big._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Woah, that’s a really long time.” The adults laughed at that, but Noah didn’t really know why. It was a _long_ time after all, he didn’t mean to be funny. _ _ _ _ _ _

______“Alright mister, I think its time that you get ready for bed.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But MOM.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No buts Noah, say goodnight to our guests then go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Noah turned to the Stablers, saying a polite goodbye. Then he turned back to Rafael._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you leaving again?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Rafael knelt, getting to eye level with Noah, and placed a hand on either of his shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m going to need to leave tonight, but if you are good for your mom and ask _really_ nicely, I bet we can convince her to let us go do something next weekend.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Like boys’ weekend?” Noah enthusiastically asked. Rafael laughed lightly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Maybe. Its up to your Mom.” Noah looked to his mother, eyes full of hope and excitement. Olivia smiled but rolled her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, but for now, you need to get ready for bed.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Okay, bye Uncle Rafa, love you!” Noah hugged his Uncle, who was still kneeling on the ground next to him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Love you too, Noah.” Noah ran off to get ready for bed, already planning how he can convince his mom to let Uncle Rafa come over again._ _ _ _ _ _

______Rafael stood up slowly, his knee popping as he did so. He turned to look at the other adults, all of whom were giving him very odd soft looks. His eyebrows came together as he glanced at Olivia. She simply shook her head at him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Rafael, I know you just got back into town, and this isn’t exactly your area of expertise, but Kathleen is in the market for a good family court lawyer. You wouldn’t happen to know of any would you?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Off hand I can think of a few names, what are you going to court for? Just a general area, I don’t need any details you aren’t willing share, it will just narrow the list.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kathleen looked to Olivia who gave her a reassuring smile, conveying that it was okay to trust Rafael._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m having some issues over custody of my daughter with an ex.” Kathleen supplied vaguely._ _ _ _ _ _

______Rafael nodded, mentally cataloguing his list of contacts._ _ _ _ _ _

______“How much of a fight is he going to put up? Is he able to afford a good lawyer?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kathleen sighed, “He is well connected, he’s into the political scene in Queens.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Rafael nodded again before looking to Olivia and gesturing over to the notepad on her kitchen counter. Olivia nodded, giving him permission to use it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I can write a few names down, do some research and see which is the best fit. I would start with Rita Calhoun and work your way down. She’s expensive but fights hard for her clients.” Rafael handed Kathleen a list of 5 or 6 names, with a couple of general firms that specialized in family law at the bottom. Olivia recognized most of the names from the list, having worked with or against them on cases in the past._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Thank you, Mr. Barba. Thank both of you, really, I don’t know who else I could have trusted with this.” Kathleen said as she held back her tears. Olivia pulled her in for a quick but meaningful hug._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Like I said before, I am here for you every step of the way if you want it or just have questions. Just give me a call.” As Olivia led both of them to the door, she reached into her purse a pulled out a business card a pen, quickly jotting down her cell phone number on the back._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It was good to see you again Liv, we will talk to you soon.” Kathy gave Olivia’s arm one last squeeze and turned to leave. At the last moment, she turned back around._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Have a good night with your _man friend_.” Kathy gave her a final wink and followed Kathleen down the hallway._ _ _ _ _ _

______Olivia closed the door with a sigh. She took a couple of moments to reflect on the conversation with Kathy and Kathleen, then took a couple more to recollect and  
organize her thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _

______1\. Get Noah in bed  
2\. Clear the pizza boxes and plates  
3\. Talk to Rafael  
4\. Lock down the house for the night  
5\. Talk to Rafael  
6\. Shower  
7\. Rafael  
8\. Bed  
9\. Rafael_ _ _ _ _ _

______Olivia put her hands to her head, trying to organize a better list. That proved to be more difficult than she anticipated because all she could think of was _Rafael_. She decided to tackle the first two items on her list before dealing with the rest…in whatever order._ _ _ _ _ _

______When she turned back around, Rafael was standing right where she left him, hands in his pockets, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and suspenders pulled tight across his shoulders and chest. He looked relaxed and at home, his hair looked mussed, as if he had run his fingers through it several times since he had gotten there, and he was still wearing that stupid soft smile. Her heart fluttered for what felt like the millionth time that night and her stomach tightened with nervousness and  
anticipation. _ _ _ _ _ _

______Getting through this list might be more difficult than she thought._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a crazy few weeks at work and that will probably carry over the next few weeks, but I will keep writing when I have time!


	5. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: brief mention of Barba's likely not so great childhood.

Olivia was saved from having to deal with Rafael for another couple of moments as Noah ran back through the room dressed in his PJs. 

“Did you brush your teeth?” Olivia asked him.

“Yeah, I just wanted to say goodnight to Uncle Rafa one more time.” Rafael smirked at her before turning back to Noah.

“Goodnight Noah, I will see you soon, I promise.” 

“Goodnight Uncle Rafa!” Noah barreled in for another hug before taking off down the hallway towards his bedroom.

“I’ll be in there in just a moment.” Olivia called after him. She walked over to stand by Rafael once again,

“I will be a minute or two, I have to make sure he actually gets settled in for the evening.”

“Take your time, I’ll be here.”

Olivia wandered down to Noah’s room, going through their routine of tucking him in and turning on his night light so he could sleep, then kissed him on the forehead. She turned off the main light in his room, stepped back out into the hallway and closed the door behind her. She could hear the sink running so she softly walked to the end of the hall, peaking into the kitchen. 

Rafael had made himself busy: He had put left over pizza in the fridge, disposed of the boxes, and was now loading up her dishwasher with the plates and glasses dumped in the sink. _Another task done_ , Olivia thought as she crept back to her bedroom to change into clothing more suitable for her couch. She unzipped her dress and laid it across her bed before choosing a large sweatshirt and a pair of comfortable jeans. Normally, she would have gone with sweats or yoga pants for an evening on the couch, but with Rafael still dressed to impress, jeans seemed a more fitting option for the night. 

Olivia returned to the kitchen hoping to find a bottle of wine when she saw that Rafael had once again beaten her to it. He had found a couple of wine glasses and a bottle of red, waiting for her to approve the selection before pouring. He tilted the bottle towards her, and she nodded her approval. Rafael opened the wine and poured them both a glass. He handed Olivia one of the glasses, following her back to the couch with his own and the rest of the bottle. Olivia sighed as she sat, enjoying the comfort of the cushions and closing her eyes for moment. When she opened them, Rafael was seated on the other side of the couch, turned slightly towards her as he had with Noah. His earlier grin hand softened into a soft smile and he looked at her with a gentleness that she had only ever seen from him. 

“Hi.” Olivia said as she returned his soft smile.

“Hi.”

“You look good Rafa. Iowa must have treated you well.” Rafael snorted.

“No, it did not.” Rafael took a moment to look at Olivia again, taking in the jeans and sweatshirt combo with her hair and makeup still on. 

“You look amazing, Liv.” Olivia blushed at the compliment. She tucked her feet underneath her, turning to face him. 

“Thanks, but there is no need for compliments now that I am out of the dress.” Olivia tried to brush it off and took another sip of wine.

“The compliment still stands.” Unprepared for his response, she felt her blush deepen. Olivia raised her eyebrow at him, but it must not have been as intimidating as it usually was because all Rafael did was shrug and maintain eye contact, as if what he said was a simple truth. 

“How was Iowa?” Another shrug from Rafael.

“Not much more to say about Iowa, you know most of what I was doing with election fraud.”

“Noah seemed pretty entertained with whatever you were telling him.” Olivia countered. Rafael leaned towards her slightly, moving his arm to rest along the back of the couch.

“I was telling him about the stars. He asked me what my favorite part about Iowa was, and I told him that on days when I was feeling particularly homesick, I would drive outside of the city to some park or field and get out and look up at the stars; I told him that there were more stars in the sky than lights in New York city, which he thought was unbelievable.” They shared a chuckle, then he continued. “Then I said that I tried to find a star for everyone that I missed, the brightest stars that I could find, and imagine what they were doing, as if the star was a light that they still had on for the night. That always seemed to make me feel better; closer to friends and family.” 

Olivia looked at him tenderly, “You never told me you did that.” Rafael smiled back at her.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything; I was still in Iowa and everyone else was here in the city. Besides, now Noah wants to go see the stars for himself. Thankfully, I think I convinced him that we can see the stars here in the state of New York and we do not have to go all the way to Iowa.” Olivia reached her hand out across the back of the couch, resting her hand on his for a moment.”

“That is very sweet of you, are you thinking of taking him to the planetarium?” Rafael’s smile grew ever so slightly.

“Something like that, yeah.” He said it wistfully, like there was more he was thinking about but wasn’t wanting to share. Olivia wasn’t concerned though; she knew he would tell her if it was important. She instead chose to clear her throat and change directions.

“So, what are you going to do now that you’re back Rafa?” She leaned her elbow against the back of the couch, still turned to face him, and rested her head on her hand, making herself comfortable.

“That is an interesting question. The short answer is teaching. The long answer is teaching plus consulting plus a little bit more that is still being fleshed out and finalized.” He grinned at her, knowing that she would take the obvious bait. Olivia rolled her eyes because as ridiculous as his non-answer was, it was so him, it was so _them_ to set up this conversation like this. 

“Always the ass…” She muttered loud enough for him to hear before taking another sip of her wine.

“Please Rafa, tell me more about this obscure plan of yours.” Olivia put on an extra enthusiastic voice as she responded, playing into the suspense that he had jokingly set up. That earned her another smirk as Rafael met her gaze.

“I was offered a position teaching part time at NYU. I won’t officially start with a class load until the fall semester, but the School of Law was able to convince the university that I could still teach a couple of short seminars this spring.”

“Rafa that’s amazing, congratulations!” This time the enthusiasm was genuine, and Olivia grinned at her friend. She set her glass down on the coffee table, needing to focus on the rest of what he was saying and not worrying about spilling the rest of her wine. 

“I still have a few weeks before class starts; we won’t meet until after spring break so both classes will be relatively short but hopefully, I can still get them to learn a thing or two.” 

“Rafa, you are a great teacher and mentor – just look at what you did with Carisi. I know you thought he was a bit much, but he really did learn a lot from you.” Rafa broke eye contact, choosing to stare at his glass of wine for a moment. When he looked back up at her, his eyes were soft.

“Thanks Liv, that means a lot. I was…not certain about accepting the offer when it came, I’m still not, but hopefully you’re right.”

“I _am_ right, just trust me.” Olivia moved the hand not on the back of the couch to his knee, giving it a light squeeze of reassurance. Rafael covered it with a hand of his own, keeping it there before she could pull away. Olivia let him. He smiled at her, eyes still showing a degree of uncertainty and anxiety, something Olivia was not used to seeing from him, but she could tell that her words meant a lot to him.

“So, how did you come upon this teaching job? How do you feel about making the transition?”

Rafael sighed, still holding her hand by his knee. 

“It was pretty boring actually. Someone I went to Harvard with is a professor at NYU’s School of Law, she gave me a call a few months ago and pitched me the idea to see if I was even interested. I told her I was, conditional on a few things and pitched them a proposal. He went to the board and fenagled some kind of story about how I would be a ‘benefit to the faculty and great resource of knowledge’ and convinced them to offer me a position for after the primary. As for teaching,” Rafael took a deep breath in and exhaled exaggeratedly, “that is a completely different issue. As… _persistent_ as Carisi was, he wasn’t actually _that_ bad: he was at least motivated, took initiative, soaked information up like a sponge, and if you repeat one word of this, I will absolutely deny it.” Rafael ended with a grin which matched Olivia’s. She always knew that in spite of his prickly demeanor, Rafael had enjoyed taking the younger man under his wing. “I just hope I can connect with the students, make sure they learn something worth-while in class.”

“That’s great, Rafa, it really is. What will you be teaching in these fancy pants law seminars?”

“One is essentially courtroom etiquette: it’s about _how_ the job actually gets done and how you go about doing the job. Most of the law classes that I took at Harvard are about the law specifically and how it is interpreted, but I wanted to do something that gives students an opportunity to learn to work with the rest of the work group; judges, defense and prosecutors, the jury. But I so want to include working with cops, and witnesses, victims, and defendants. Just getting them a leg up on how to interact respectfully and expectations when working with the other people in the room in the so called ‘real world’ of working in criminal law.”   
Olivia nodded her head, letting him know that she was paying attention and wanting him to continue. Rafael looked at her for a moment and she saw a flash of insecurity in his features.

“The second is less of an academic seminar and more of an interdisciplinary work group; its actually one of the reasons that I accepted the position at NYU and is the bit that still needs to be fleshed out and finalized.” Rafael cleared his throat before continuing.

“I’m leading a course for law, public service, and counseling students, which is designed to present a grant proposal to the state legislature, requesting funds to start a non-profit. If that gets approved, the plan is that I would chair the board getting it up and running.” Olivia’s eyebrows raised and her jaw dropped, she blurted out her question before Rafael had a chance to explain.

“You’re starting a non-profit?”

Rafael shifted in his seat, finished his glass of wine, placed it on the coffee table next to hers, then turned to face her with a look that was somewhere between determination and a grimace. 

“Technically, I am leading a group of students who will write a grant that _proposes_ we start a non-profit.”

“Oh my God, Rafa, you going to start a non-profit.” 

“That is the plan, yes.” Rafael and Olivia stared at each other for a few moments, each processing the other’s reaction to Rafael’s reveal. Olivia decided to broach the next subject first, needing more information on his latest endeavor.

“Okay, what exactly is the grant for?” Olivia questioned. 

“It’s interdisciplinary, so like I said it will primarily be for law, counseling, and public service students, but its going to be aimed at providing resources to people who need them. Primarily, it will be just connecting people with resources for housing, food, and childcare. But it was also important when I pitched this idea to the board that there be access for counseling and legal advice for those who need it but cannot necessarily afford an attorney or have insurance for a therapist. Law students and advising faculty can help with basic legal advice and filing paperwork with clients. Counseling students get contact hours for their program. Public service students get experience building and facilitating a community service. Plus, it’s a great PR project that the university can boast about to donors and in turn get more funding for other programs. It’s a win-win for a lot of people.”

“Wow…I honestly don’t know what to say Rafa, that sounds absolutely amazing. What…what made you decided to pursue _this_ of all things? Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely needed, but you never mentioned doing anything like this before. Is that why you came back, to do this?”   
Rafael tilted his head back and forth, indicating that while she wasn’t wrong in her assumption, she also was not completely accurate.

“Yes and no.” Rafael answered her. “The grant is the reason that I decided to take the position at NYU; it allowed me to come back being gainfully employed after the primary, but I was already planning to come back. As for the grant work…” Rafael trailed off and shifted his gaze up to the ceiling as if trying to remember something.

“There was this person I used to work with; determined; incredibly passionate; always made me fight for every inch of every case, she’s actually a cop you might know her…” Rafael brought his gaze back to hers, eyes gleaming in jest and a smirk on his face. Olivia lightly shoved him with her foot, trying to get him to take things seriously, but his smile was so contagious that she knew she was still grinning back at him.

“Come on Rafa, I’m serious, why take on this of all things?”

“I’m being serious Liv. While I never meant to make such a dramatic exit, I still meant what I said: you opened my heart Olivia, but you also opened my eyes, and once they were open I couldn’t close them again, I didn’t want to. As you brought color back into my life, day by day, it grew more difficult to block out all of the darkness that we saw alongside everything.” Rafael stopped and squeezed her hand. Olivia, eyes slightly misty, scooted closer to Rafael on the couch. She reached across the remaining space to grasp her free hand in his.

“I am so sorry that I didn’t notice, I should have talked to you sooner about how the job was affecting you...” Rafael cut her off.

“Nothing about what happened is your fault Olivia.” He told her firmly, holding her gaze. “I never told you, and honestly I was probably too far down the path of denial to admit to myself that things had changed, that _I_ had changed.” He let out a sigh.

“But, what I saw, what _we_ did for people when we were working together, _that_ was something that I wanted to keep doing. Providing people with a resource for help _before_ things escalate, and NYPD needs to be called in. Making sure women and children have access to safe places if they can’t go home. Walking parents through custody agreements so that their children don’t have to suffer. Having a safe place for _survivors_ to come and get counseling services and childcare that they desperately need but can’t afford – that is what I’m trying to do with this grant. And if only one person can get ahead of the system and turn their life around before _you_ need to be there, I will consider the program a success.”

Olivia was barely holding back tears. For as long as she had known him, Rafael had always had a gift for words, but she had never heard him talk like this before. She knew that he had a troubled childhood, getting details here and there over the years, but she could tell that this program was about more than just her influence. 

“Its for your Mom.” Olivia stated simply, and he gave her a teary smile, because of course she knew – she knew him better than anyone.

“Yeah, and maybe a little bit for me. Or at least for a younger me.”

Olivia looked at him then, the strong, confident, savvy man who she had known for years and who was her best friend. It was the first time she got a glimpse of Rafi, a kid in the Bronx wandering the streets or staring at a friend’s house because he was too scared to go home. A kid who stood up to his father when he was drunk and angry to protect his mother. Olivia leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him to give him a hug. Rafael returned the gesture and they sat on the couch in each other’s arms for several moments. Olivia withdrew from their embrace, reluctantly, and settled back into the couch but this time much closer. Rafael still had one of her hands in his, resting comfortably between them. 

“I am really proud of you Rafael. And I am really glad that you are back home.” _back home with me_ is what she wanted to say, but quickly refrained from doing so. Rafael shook his head at her compliment.

“Its good to finally be home.” They looked in each other’s eyes for a moment longer before Rafael cleared his throat.

“What about you Liv? How are you, how’s Noah, the Squad?” Olivia rolled her eyes because he already knew everything there was to know. Their weekly chats had caught him up on most of the day-to-day events of both hers and Noah’s lives. But, who was she to deny her friend, especially if it meant he got to stay just a bit longer…

Olivia talked about their latest case, repeating details that he already knew, and filled her in on what Noah had been up to since they had spoken the week before. Although, she was sure that Noah had already filled him. Rafael just sat and listened, nodding along to her stories, smiling, and gently running his thumb over her hand. It felt nice. It felt right. Olivia tried not to allow him to distract her, but she was only semi-successful. Thoughts of this being a regular occurrence, sitting on the couch debriefing the day with him, invaded her mind. It was increasingly difficult to ignore her fluttering stomach. After all, their hands fit together perfectly and he was looking at her with gentle gaze that made her feel safe, and welcome, and _home_.   
But as nice as everything was, it was still just inside her head. She didn’t know where he stood or what he wanted. Olivia knew that she could spend hours daydreaming scenarios about being with Rafael in domestic bliss, and a few more scenarios that fed the butterflies for an entirely different reason. As nice as it was to live in her bubble of what-ifs, Rafael being back was going to pop it eventually. Not knowing if they could even move forward, or if he even _wanted_ to move forward with a relationship was going to drive her mad. After talking to Rafael, seeing him, _holding_ him, she was cautiously optimistic that he had similar feelings. But she was also terrified that if everything was one sided, she could ruin her closest friendship and one true confidant. Never being one to wait for bad news, Olivia decided to jump headfirst, hoping she wasn’t about to shatter her own heart. 

“What are we doing Rafael?” She spoke softly, terrified for his response. Rafael looked at her, noted the seriousness in her face and fear in her eyes. He took both of her hands in his.

“I told you I wanted to celebrate my friend. I have missed you more than I could ever describe. Coming back has been more than just returning to New York, it’s been finding my way back to my best friend.” Rafael paused and took a breath. Olivia’s heart clenched, she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to handle this, but she prepared for the worst.

“You have been my rock and have stood by me during some of the worst moments of my life Liv, and that is something that I cherish. That is what this dinner means for me, celebrating you and your accomplishments. I know I promised more than pizza and wine on your couch, but you deserve to know that your support and friendship mean absolutely everything to me.” _hear it comes_ , Olivia thought.

“Now that I’m back home, I was personally hoping to discuss the possibility of moving things beyond being just friends. But that is something that we need to talk about together because I will always need you to be my best friend, Liv. I can’t lose you. So if this is it, sitting with you on your couch discussing work and life as _friends_ I will gladly accept every moment that you give me. But you also deserve to know that I want so much more.” Olivia looked at him, not quite believing what he was saying. Rafael took a steadying breath.

“You are the kindest, most caring, dedicated, intelligent, and beautiful woman that I have ever known, and it would be an absolute privilege if you would allow me to take you to dinner, a _real_ dinner, sometime and see if we can move forward, towards more.”

Olivia’s heart stopped but her mind was going a million miles an hour. Rafael waited; anxiety clear on his face. Dozens of responses came to Olivia’s head, but none of them seemed to satisfy her need to convey her own feelings back to him. So instead, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. After a brief hesitation, Rafael responded to her kiss, molding his lips to hers. He let go of one of her hands, raising it up to cup one side of her face. They broke apart after a moment. 

“Is that a yes?” Rafael quipped. 

“That depends, are you asking me out on a date, Rafa? An honest to God, real date?” Olivia looked into his eyes, looking for any signs of deception. He just looked back at her, forehead scrunched slightly, but his eyes were a clear, piercing green. 

“Olivia Benson, will you please go out on an honest to God, real, bona fide date with me?” He asked in the most serious voice he could muster with the smile that was plastered on his face. 

“Yes, finally.” Olivia responded before Rafael returned his lips to hers in a slow and sweet kiss.

The pair remained locked together for several minutes, exploring each other. Rafael’s other hand migrated to her hair, entangling itself in her brown locks. Olivia’s hands were at the back of his neck, resting just at the edge of his shirt collar, and running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, delighting in finally being able to touch him. Rafael’s beard was soft against her skin and she could smell his cologne, faint but distinct and uniquely _him_. Ever conscious of the seven-year-old down the hall, Olivia and Rafael separated and rested their foreheads together. Olivia stared into Rafael’s eyes, taking in his evident joy.

“Just in case I wasn’t clear before, I want everything with you Olivia. I want dates and dinners; I want to take Noah to dance practice and to cook breakfast in the morning; I want to have tough discussions about finances and schools and argue over getting Italian or Chinese takeout. More than anything, I just want to hold you both and never let go. I was never coming back to New York for a job, I was always coming home to you and him. And I promise you, that I will do everything in my power to make both of you happy, as long as you just give me a chance.” Rafael declared with soft words and a meaningful gaze. 

“Rafa, that is everything and more that I could ever hope for.” Olivia pressed a quick by firm kiss to his lips once more. “I have been hoping for this for…for _years_ and I just want you here with the both of us. We love you Rafael and we need you in our lives. I know I’m not perfect, and I will probably make mistakes in this but there is nothing more I could ever ask for as long as you don’t give up on me.”

Rafael removed his hand from her hair to cup her other cheek.

“I will never give up on you or on _us_ , that I can promise. Losing you once was hard enough; I’m not going to let it happen again.” Olivia felt a single tear escape her eye, but it was quickly thumbed away by Rafael. 

“Then I guess you’re stuck with us Rafael.” Olivia smiled at him, and Rafael shook his head softly.

“There is nowhere else I would rather be, than right here with the people I love the most.” Rafael drew her in for a hug. Olivia draped her legs across his lap, allowing him to pull her closer. The stayed like that, breathing each other in, both taking the opportunity to reflect on their friendship and the chance to finally move forward. 

“So, years huh?” Rafael eventually broke the silence. Olivia could hear and feel the vibrations from his chest as asked. She smiled, feeling like a giddy adolescent. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” 

“Me too.” Was his response. Olivia drew back just enough to look at him. 

“I’m sorry it took so long Rafa. I wish we could go back and have this conversation earlier.”

“I almost asked you out once, a few months before I left the DA’s office.” Olivia quirked an eyebrow at him. She reflected on their last several cases together, trying to pinpoint anything that would have given him away.

“I was in my office one day and I just decided that I was going to drop the act. No more last-minute drink offers, no more rushed takeout when we were up working late, no more pretense.” He smiled at the ceiling as he remembered. “I even had it all figured out. I was supposed to stop by the precinct to drop off some case files at the end of the day. It had been slow, Amanda said that morning she was planning on leaving early. Carisi was always working and Fin never paid any attention to what I was doing if it wasn’t case related.”

Olivia laughed at that. 

“I was going to give you the files and just ask, ‘Liv, I would love the chance to take you out to dinner sometime. Would you be interested in going on a date with me.’” Rafael got quiet, still staring at the ceiling, not wanting to continue. 

“Why didn’t you?” Liv asked him quietly. 

“I got a call from Fin on my way out of a meeting. Noah was missing.” He turned to look at her then. 

“I rushed over as soon as I heard.” Liv leaned back on the couch, remembering that truly awful day. 

“After everything that happened, it just didn’t seem right to ask you to spend time away from him, especially right after you just got him back. I told myself that I would give it time, let everyone settle back into a normal routine again.” Rafael dry swallowed, looking regretful. “I guess it took me longer than expected to work up the courage.” He ended softly. Olivia caressed his cheek with her hand.

“You did more for me then than I could have ever asked you to do. Having you by my side was one of the only things that got me through everything. I never thanked you for that Rafa.” She pressed her forehead to his, sealing the moment.

“I’m sorry for everything Liv, if I could go back, I would have done a lot of things differently. Let me make it up to you?” Rafael’s request was soft, barely above a whisper. 

“No time like the present.” Olivia bent towards him, pressing their lips together once more before leaning backwards on the couch, grabbing him by the suspenders and pulling him down on top of her.


	6. 6 Months later

Olivia woke up to the ringing of her cellphone. As she reached to answer, she felt the movement of the person in bed next to her. 

“Benson.” She muttered. It was Fin. They had caught a case with a high profile vic, some niece of a city councilman. Fin filled her in on the rough details and ensured her that the squad could handle it without her, he just wanted her to let her know in case she got a call from 1PP. She gave him a couple of directions, mostly just reminders to handle with caution and to make sure to keep the media circus away from the victim while she was still at the hospital – all standard procedures, but ones she always wanted to reiterate to her squad when dealing with a case remotely close to a politician. It never changed how they handled any case, but it did remind them to tread more carefully when and where they talked to witnesses and suspects. 

“Thanks for the heads-up Fin and keep me posted.” Oliva ended the call and placed her phone back on the nightstand. She felt his warm body come up behind her, and his arm sneaked back around her waist, drawing her closer into him. She smiled and sighed as Rafael placed soft kisses into her hair and on her neck and shoulder.

“Do you have to go in?” Rafael whispered into her ear, making her shiver as his voice, still rough from sleep, washed over her. 

“No, Fin has it handled.” Olivia rolled over to face him, wrapping her own arms around his back as she did so. Rafael leaned in to press his lips to hers in a slow, easy kiss. The drew apart, both with soft smiles on their faces. 

“Good morning.” Rafael said first.

“Morning.” Olivia responded softly, taking in his appearance. His hair was tussled, eyes still heavy with sleep, and the lines on his face seemed to have relaxed overnight, or maybe it was just him. She ran a hand through his hair, brushing it back from his face, before letting it drop down to cup the side of his face.   
She loved having him here, with her, waking up in his arms…

Rafael had returned to their lives roughly 6 months ago, and they spent as much time together as they could. Sometimes it was just the two of them but mostly it was the three of them spending time as a family. Rafael made sure that whenever they went out on a date, which were few due to both of their schedules, he always did something with Noah the next day. They spent a lot of time together just at the apartment, eating take out or Rafael would cook. Sometimes they went out for ice cream or went to a museum or the movies together as a family, but they nearly always went home together.

There were even a couple of weekends when Olivia needed to work and Lucy was busy that Noah spent the time with Rafael at his apartment, building forts and cooking, or movie marathons. Lucia Barba had also become part of their small family. She loved to spoil Noah and was always letting Olivia know that she was available for baby sitting duty, even if she didn’t need it. Olivia had loved Rafael for years, but _dating_ him revealed that there was so much more to love than she could ever have imagined.

While Rafael still had his own residence, he spent most of his time with them at the Benson’s apartment. A week prior, he had mentioned that he was thinking about selling his apartment and buying another that was better suited to his new lifestyle. He only ever bought the prior one because it was symbolic of what he had accomplished rather than because he actually liked it; he rarely spent any time there before, and essentially only used it now to store his belongings while he was with Olivia and Noah. What Olivia wanted was for him to move in with them, or for all three of them to move into a new place together. But she was still afraid. They were closer than ever but lately he seemed to get lost in thought or wouldn’t pay full attention to what they were doing. She was worried about him. They discussed it the other day and he told her that it was just the pressure of getting the grant proposal finished and submitted. He apologized profusely and he made an obvious effort to be more present after that. But a life full of disappointment with relationships had left Olivia on edge and worried. She knew that he loved her, but her fears could get the best of her and she still worried that it was just a cruel dream she would wake up from any moment. 

“You’re thinking rather hard for someone who hasn’t had any coffee yet.” Rafael’s voice brought Olivia’s mind back to the present. 

“Sorry. I guess I’m just in a thoughtful mood this morning.” Rafael scrunched his brow in concern.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

_Yes_. 

“No, not just yet.” Rafael’s brow remained worried, but he simply nodded and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

“Okay, I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“I know.” Olivia smiled at him, trying to ease his worry.

“Do you have any plans after court today?” Rafael asked softly. 

Olivia exhaled; she had almost forgotten. Kathleen had texted her the week prior, asking if she would be willing to show up to her court hearing with Matt for custody of Isabelle, just for moral support. Olivia had kept in contact with both Kathy and Kathleen since they showed up 6 months ago, mostly just keeping tabs on her case against her ex-boyfriend. Kathleen had followed Olivia’s advice; she went to her contacts in Queens and had given her statement about the threats and harassment, she documented every instance Matt broke their custody agreement, and she saved every message they exchanged on every platform. Finally, Kathleen was able to get her court date and petition for full custody of Isabelle. 

Olivia had been quick to point out that it was unlikely that she got full custody of Isabelle. But she could still request a No Contact Order against Matt, that should ensure he stopped the harassment. Olivia was slightly surprised that she requested that she be there, but it also recognized that it probably didn’t hurt to have an NYPD captain show up in support of you. At the very least, it might be enough to scare Matt in to behaving.  
“No plans, just hoping to get home to the two of you at a reasonable hour.” Rafael smiled at her.  
“Okay, I guess we better get the day started. You jump in the shower and get ready while I start breakfast.” With one last chaste kiss, the couple rolled away from each other and started preparing for the day. Olivia jumped in the shower while Rafael dressed in a spare suit he kept at her apartment, before walking down the hall to wake up Noah and start breakfast. 

Thirty minutes later and the trio was in the kitchen dressed for the day and enjoying Rafael’s quick meal of eggs, toast, and fruit. Once done, Rafael wished Noah a good day at his summer camp before gathering his notes and briefcase. He turned to her once more.

“Have a good day Liv, love you.” She would never get tired of hearing him say that.

“Love you too Rafa.” He gave her a small smile before pressing his lips to hers once more before leaving the apartment for work. 

***

The day proceeded as any other: victims disclosed, people were questioned, bad guys were arrested. Olivia had told Fin months ago about her visit from the Stablers – he was just as shocked and concerned as she was. Now that the court date had arrived, Fin ensured that Olivia left the squad room at a reasonable time to get to Kathleen’s 4:30pm scheduled court appearance. 

She arrived a few minutes early and settled into a bench next to Kathy as she watched Kathleen and Rita Calhoun discuss last minute case details. Olivia was delighted when Kathy revealed that Rita had agreed to represent Kathleen. It reminded her of when the sharp defense attorney had agreed to represent Avery Jordan in her fight against her camera man/rapists attempt to get custody of her son. Rafael had hinted to Olivia privately that the custody dispute was an issue close to Rita’s heart, although he never disclosed why. Rafael trusted Rita Calhoun, and that was always enough for Olivia.

On the other side of the court room sat Matt and his own attorney. Kathleen turned around to check the room and spotted Olivia. She reached out her hand for support and thanks. Olivia reached out her own hand to give Kathy’s a brief squeeze of reassurance. Olivia settled back against the bench, turning to Kathy.

“How’s everyone holding up?” 

“We are handling it…it will be a relief to finally get this court appearance over with.” 

Olivia looked at the table in front of her, noticing the piles of paperwork, presumably evidence of Matt’s harassment. She looked over at Matt’s table, noticing only a few pieces of paper. He had a moping look on his face, looking as if he knew that he was about to lose. His attorney looked equally sullen, probably disappointed in his client’s lack of restraint and over confidence. Matt glanced over at Kathleen, anger flashing briefly in his eyes before it was covered by impassiveness. _definitely a politician_ , Olivia thought. Matt’s gaze was drawn to court room door, his face paled slightly then he forced his gaze back to the judge’s chambers door.

Olivia glanced back behind her to see what had drawn Matt’s attention. 

Elliott Stabler. 

He looked older, but then again so did she. He still walked with the same amount of confidence; shoulders back, chin up, long strides. Olivia had always wondered what it would be like to see him again. She realized many years ago that she was never really mad that he left. She understood; Shooting a teenager, a child really, was just the last trauma anyone reasonable person could handle. Elliott needed to leave the NYPD, and she didn’t hold that against him. What _had_ hurt was that he cut her out of his life. Twelve years was a long time to be partners. To just end that relationship without so much as a goodbye hurt and that betrayal lingered for a long time. 

At one point he had been everything; partner, friend, confidant. At some point she even thought she was in love with him…although in hindsight it wasn’t really love. 

They always had each other’s back, but nearly a decade later Olivia could admit that they were also far too co-dependent to function within a true partnership. Yes, she trusted him with her life, and he trusted her with his, but that also led them down dangerous territory; risking their lives, abandoning protocol, covering for the other when they knew they had gone just a bit too far. Olivia could only count herself as lucky that she never had to supervise that version of herself. She would always care for Elliott Stabler. But she could also recognize that whatever feelings she had had for the man, it wasn’t really love. 

She could also only now recognize that if he had stayed, she wouldn’t be where she was today. She wouldn’t be leading the squad. She might still have Noah, but she wouldn’t have the family that she had built; Elliott’s absence made room for Amanda and Nick, and later Carisi and Kat. If Elliott had never left, she probably never would have dated David Haden, or lasted as long with Brian Cassidy. She wouldn’t have almost married Ed Tucker and she certainly wouldn’t have gotten so close to Rafael. In fact, she could only shudder as she thought about how the two would have butted heads; both strong personalities, arrogant at times, and always needing to have the last word in. Although, that version of Rafael had faded fairly quickly as he became part of the squad. But with Elliott still there Rafael likely never would have let his façade drop. If Elliott had never left…she would still be playing second fiddle to a man who shaped her world and had somehow put himself in the middle.   
As unsettling as the realization was, Olivia could never be mad at him for it. It was never intentional, the way that their partnership evolved. They were just too wrapped up in a partnership of contradictions; too close but never crossing a line; too protective of each other but careless of what they said to each other; wanting the best for each other… but only if it meant their status quo stayed the same.

Olivia grew a lot as a cop with him as her partner. Now, she can’t help but wonder when she outgrew his partnership.

She watched as Elliott quickly surveyed the room, taking in his daughter and Calhoun at one table, then Matt and his attorney at theirs. His eyes continued cataloging the room and the people in it, finally landing on Kathy and Olivia. Elliott froze for a moment as his eyes met Olivia’s. She gave him a small, soft smile before tilting her head in acknowledgement and greeting. Elliott paused before walking over to them. Kathy gave him a smile and reached for his hand as he sat beside her. 

“That prick looks ready to wet his pants.” He whispered to them both. Kathy rolled her eyes at him and softly shushed him. Olivia raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a small smile. She personally agreed but didn’t think either Kathy or Kathleen needed her to encourage Elliott’s antagonism. Before she could say anything to him, the judge’s door opened and they all stood as the judge entered and seated herself. Olivia counted her blessings that Judge Linden was presiding over the case.  
Judge Linden picked up the trial paperwork, perusing through the details as everyone settled back down in their seats. She invited Matt’s attorney to begin his argument for his client’s custodial rights. 

“Your Honor,” he began, “my client is a respected member of the Queens political system who has been denied again and again his right to be a father to his child. I have with me past custodial agreements, which clearly outline his mistreatment and inequity in their parenting plans since the child’s birth. Furthermore, we intend to present that Ms. Stabler is unfit to have full custody of the child due to her history of mental illness episodes and past criminal activity. We would move that full parental rights and custody be given to Mr. Michaels.” Matt’s attorney presented Kathleen’s past manic and depressive episodes, drug use, and coverup by her father as evidence of her close connections to the NYPD and unstable behavior. He then presented the prior custody agreement and outlining how it overwhelmingly favored Kathleen. He asserted that this was due to Matt not wanting her to have another episode, fearing she would harm him or Isabelle and that Elliott’s presence in the gallery was another example of police intimidation in the custody matter. 

Olivia was impressed that Elliott was able to hold it together for the entire argument. He definitely huffed and puffed throughout the speech but remained seated and relatively calm. Olivia herself was keeping her own nervousness at bay, reminding herself that Calhoun was the best and Linden was fair and just in her rulings. As Rita stood to offer her own opening statement and present evidence, she saw Elliott tense out of the corner of her eye. Leaving it up to lawyers and the court system was never his preference, as illustrated by his many instances of pulling strings to keep his own children out of trouble, and it could now very well be coming back to bite him. 

Rita’s own opening statements were directed at Matt’s ongoing harassment in spite of the requested anti-harassment order and presented evidence of escalating behavior and threats. While she didn’t need the mountain of communications between Matt and Kathleen, dutifully marked pre- and post-anti-harassment and coded based on custody violation, anti-harassment order violation, and threats made. She also addressed Kathleen’s struggle with her mental health in her 20s and presented her near perfect criminal record since she was able to seek treatment for her bi-polar disorder. Rita presented a great argument for Kathleen, but Olivia also knew that it was ultimately up to Judge Linden and her decision. 

“Ruling between parents in a custody dispute is never an easy decision. I have concerns for both parties however need clarification before making a ruling. Mr. Michaels, if you were so opposed to the original custody agreements, why did you agree to them so quickly. I can see that the discussions did not last long, so you must have reached an agreement easily. So why do you now wish to revisit the custody agreement?”   
Matt stood.

“Your Honor, as my attorney stated, I was worried that Kathleen would harm Isabelle or myself if I didn’t give into her demands.”

“So you were afraid for your own safety and the safety of your child…but you didn’t call CPS or 911?” Linden questioned.

“No your honor. I knew that her father was a former member of the NYPD and thought that he would cover it up like he did with her prior indiscretions.” Olivia could feel Elliott stiffen with anger on the other side of Kathy. Kathy gripped his hand in both of hers, her knuckles turning white. 

“But still, based on your statements I would have assumed that you would have fought harder or had more evidence of your concern for your child. Furthermore, your blatant disregard for the anti-harassment order illustrates a concerning level of disrespect for the legal system.” Olivia should have been relieved, but she knew the Judge wasn’t don’t yet.

“Ms. Stabler, while I don’t agree with Mr. Michael’s assertion that the NYPD has a conspiracy keeping him from Isabelle,” she paused and gave a hard look at Matt, who bowed his head in obvious shame, “I am concerned that there appears to be a history of family within the NYPD covering up prior instances of disorderly behavior. What do you have to say about that?” 

“Your Honor, I cannot argue that my prior behavior, or the behavior of my father, was excusable. Yes, I made some bad decisions earlier in life. But I have been able to turn all of that around. I have a stable job, I have been able to raise Isabelle, and I believe that I have proven myself to be a capable and good mother. Since then, I have kept myself clean and sober, and I have been able to manage my diagnosis with the proper support from family and my doctor.” Kathleen spoke eloquently, with confidence, but also with the right amount of remorseful tone for her earlier mistakes. She sat and the room paused.

“Mr. Stabler, I understand that you are back with the NYPD?” Elliott stood. 

“Yes Your Honor. I am now leading the Organized Crime unit in Queens. And I assure you, that I never intended to hide any transgressions in the past, I was just trying to protect my daughter. My actions were ill advised, and I was proportionally sanctioned within the NYPD for those actions.” Judge Linden looked at him skeptically.

“While I would disagree with that, there is no evidence to suggest that Ms. Stabler has been involved in any other disorderly activity _or_ that you have been involved in any cover up of such activity. However, if such information or evidence becomes apparent, I will no hesitate to act accordingly.” Judge Linden stared down both Elliott and Kathleen, making it clear that she was in no way joking. She glanced around and caught Olivia’s eye.

“Captain Benson. This is not an SVU case, can I assume that this is a personal visit?” It was Olivia’s turn to stand and address the Judge. 

“Yes, your Honor. The Stablers are family friends.” She nodded to Elliott, “We used to be partners and Kathleen approached me about 6 months ago with advice on her situation with Mr. Michaels.”

“And what advice did you give her?”

“I advised to follow the parenting plan, file an anti-harassment order against Mr. Michaels, disclose the situation to an officer in Queens, and document her communications with Mr. Michaels.” Judge Linden nodded.

“So it is you have to thank for the forest that sits before me?” Judge Linden nodded to the piles of paperwork in front of her that documented Matt’s numerous indiscretions. Olivia gave her a smile.  
“Yes your honor.”

Judge Linden looked at her case details once more, taking several moments to read over the information to inform her decision.

“Every family is complicated, and this family is no different. While there are concerns regarding the intervention of the NYPD on behalf of Ms. Stabler, I see no evidence that such activity is ongoing or that Ms. Stabler is unfit in any capacity to raise the child.” The air left Kathleen’s lungs and Rita placed her hand on her shoulder in support.

“That being said,” the Judge continued, “I find Mr. Michael’s disregard for the law and our legal system disturbing, but not to the point of termination of parental rights. Therefore, Kathleen Stabler will remain primary custodian of Isabelle Stabler, and Mr. Michael’s will continue to hold custody as stated in the prior agreed upon parenting plan, however they will be supervised moving forward. This ruling is for a year and can be revisited then. However, if Mr. Michaels continues to disregard the anti-harassment order or parenting plan, I will rule full custody of Isabelle to Ms. Stabler and Mr. Michaels, you will be restricted to third party supervised visits only with your daughter.” 

Judge Linden banged her gavel, got up and returned to her chambers and the members of team Stabler jumped up to congratulate Kathleen. Kathy and Elliott wrapped her up in their arms. Olivia moved to stand next to Rita.  
“Thank you, counselor, you made a great argument.” 

“Well, it helps that my client was given good advice from the get-go. And that her ex is apparently an idiot.” Olivia laughed and looked over at Matt. He was downtrodden, embarrassed, and tried to silently move out of the room before he could be noticed by anyone else. Kathleen turned and wrapped Olivia in a hug of her own.

“Thank you, Olivia. Thank you so much for everything.” Tears threated to fall in Kathleen’s eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. “You should celebrate with us after the paperwork is signed, dinner out at mom and dad’s – bring your son and it will be like a family reunion.” Olivia smiled because in the moment it really did feel like that. 

“I would love that, just let me know when and we will be there.” The group began to make their way out of the court room. Elliott hesitantly approached Olivia.

“Hey Liv, its good to see you.”

Olivia smiled at him.

“Its good to see you to El. Congrats on your return to the NYPD, I hope they’re treating you right over in organized crime.”

“Yeah,” Elliott looked nervous “look I’m so sorry for the way that I left, I never meant to just…” he trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence.

“Drop off the face of the earth?” Olivia filled in for him, but it was accompanied with a smirk. Elliott grimaced.

“Basically, yeah.”

Olivia laid her hand on his arm. “Elliott, I was never mad that you left, I was mad at _how_ you left. I wish you had just told me. I was worried about you and all I got was radio silence for 10 years.”

“Olivia, I am _so_ sorry. Please, can I try to make it up to you?” Olivia looked at him, true regret plain on his face. She wrapped her arms around him and she felt his own arms return the gesture. 

“There is nothing to forgive El. Let’s just start over.”

Elliott had a great sigh of relief. 

“So…” he tried to start again “I hear you have a son now?” Olivia absolutely beamed.

“Noah, he’s almost 8.” She shook her head in disbelief. Like she had told Rafael all those months ago, time really was flying by. 

“Wow, that’s great. I would love to meet him sometime?” Elliott trailed off into a question, asking her permission to be a part of her life again. They turned to follow the rest of the group moving out the door.

“Yeah, Kathleen mentioned some kind of celebratory dinner at your place. I wouldn’t miss a free meal.” Olivia nudge Elliott’s side. It felt nice to see him again, talk to him again. But they were different. _She_ was different. She had grown so much over the last decade; she leads SVU, she has an amazing son, and she is in love with the greatest man she ever knew. As they exited the court room Olivia saw the man himself sitting on a bench in the hall next to her son. They were hunched over a book in Noah’s lap, both had pencils in their hands and Noah had the tip of his tongue stuck out the corner of his mouth in concentration. 

_Must be doing his summer math workbook._

At the sound of the door opening, Rafael and Noah looked up and met her gaze. Noah jumped up from the bench and ran toward her while Rafael picked up his workbook and stuffed it back into Noah’s backpack before calmly walking over to meet the group.

“Mom! Mom! Rafa picked me up from camp and said could come get you for a surprise!” Noah exclaimed as he crashed into his mother for a hug.

“A surprise?! That sounds like fun, did he say what it was?” Olivia looked over to Rafael who was sauntering over with a smile on his face as he rolled his eyes at her question.

“If we told you it wouldn’t be a surprise.” He said as if it was the most obvious answer.

“Yeah Mom, it wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you.” Olivia rolled her eyes at Noah’s parroted response. Noah only then seemed to notice that the rest of the group had remained by the door. He waved shyly at Kathy and Kathleen, and sort of recognized Rita as a friend of his Uncle Rafa’s. Noah also thought that he recognized the tall man from old photos of his Mom and Uncle Fin. Olivia noticed his hesitance.

“Noah, sweetie, this is my friend Elliott Stabler. He’s Kathleen’s dad. We used to work together; he was my partner at work.” Olivia explained to him. Noah looked back at his Mom.

“Kind of like how you and Rafa were partners at work and put the bad guys away?”

“Yeah, kind of like that, except Elliott was a cop like me and your Uncle Fin.” Olivia looked at Elliott then. He was staring at her and Noah, smiling at the both of them. 

He knelt down to Noah’s level and stuck his hand out. Noah looked at his mom then back at Rafa for a moment, who nodded his head that it was okay, and Noah extended his hand out and shook Elliott’s.

“I’m Noah Benson, its nice to meet you Mr. Stabler.” Noah said in an adorable ‘grown up voice’ that he mimicked from his Uncle Rafa’s interactions with other adults. 

“It’s nice to meet you too Noah Benson. Those are quite the manners young man, your Mom must be proud.” Elliott said with a smile as he glanced back up at Olivia. 

She smiled back at him softly, enjoying the sight of her former partner meeting her son.

“Thank you. I learned them from Mom and my Uncle Rafa. He taught me a long time ago how important it was to make a good…um…” he glanced back at Rafael.

“First impression.” Rafael supplied.

“Yeah, a first impression.” Noah smiled back at Elliott.

“If anyone knows how to make a first impression it is certainly you Barba.” Rita Calhoun called from off to the side of the group. Rafael rolled his eyes as he smirked at her.

“It must have worked if I haven’t run you off yet, Counselor.” Rafael joked back. Rita smiled and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Like you didn’t just send me an email about guest lecturing for one of your seminars in the fall, _Professor_.”

Olivia decided it was best to intervene before they really started going at it. Even though they were always joking, it was sometimes exhausting watching them exchange words like siblings squabbling over the front seat of a car.

“Alright you two, there will be plenty of time to fight in front of your law students, there’s no need to reenact prior court cases here and now.” 

“Fine, but _you_ are paying my tab the next time we get drinks.” Rita threw at Rafael before turning towards Kathleen.

“Congratulations again Kathleen, I will email you on Monday when we can meet to finalize the paperwork.”

“Thank you, Ms. Calhoun for you help. I don’t think we could have done this without you.” 

Rafael huffed but stopped himself from saying anything when both Rita and Olivia shot him looks. 

“Olivia, its always good to see you. Barba, I will _consider_ your request and will notify you via email before the semester begins.” She looked down at Noah, “Be good for you Mom, but make sure you give him a bit of a hard time, he secretly likes it.” Rita turned on her heel and left the group to their reunion. Rafael placed his hand on Noah’s head, drawing him closer to his side.

“Don’t listen to her mijo, she’s just jealous that we get to hang out all the time.” 

Noah laughed and Olivia raised her eyebrow at him. It wasn’t the first time that he had called Noah mijo, he had actually been doing it for months. At first, it was accidental, simply a term of endearment that Olivia didn’t think Rafael had even realized he was using. But she never corrected him on it and Rafael had continued to   
slowly slip it into more of their conversations and interactions. 

Elliott extended his hand out once more, this time to Rafael.

“Elliott Stabler.” Rafael took his hand.

“Rafael Barba. I’ve heard a lot about you over the years, its nice to finally meet you in person.” He turned to Kathy and Kathleen and gave them small smiles. “It is nice to see you both again. I’m sure Liv will fill me in on the details later but based on how the other guy slipped out of the building I can only guess that congratulations are in order.” Kathleen smiled once more and nodded her head.

“Yes, thank you for recommending Ms. Calhoun, she really did a great job.”

“You did all the hard work for her Kathleen, but I’m glad she was able to help. You deserve it, congrats.” Rafael assured her. 

Olivia could see Elliott sizing up Rafael, and while she thought that would make her nervous it was actually a relief to finally have her two worlds collide, as if she had subconsciously been trying to separate her career into being Elliott’s partner and Elliott leaving. She finally realized that that was ridiculous. Her career was her own. The battles that she had fought and won or lost were her own. Elliott had been there for some of it, but she had been there for all of it. And Rafael had placed himself right next to her for those battles when he arrived in Manhattan.   
He had placed himself next to her and supported her through her transition to acting commander of SVU, through Lewis, through the adoption and Shelia. He placed himself there because he was her partner. But it was a partnership unlike any other she ever had. They were best friends and they always supported each other. But they also kept each other in check, letting the other know if they crossed a line or needed to push a little harder. Barba never bent the law for her, he may have suggested alternative interpretations, but he held the law above all else. He trusted Olivia, but also reported her involvement with Tucker. Looking back, it was the right decision. Yes, they disagreed on the decision to report her. But they never stopped being friends because they respected each other enough to recognize that it was about securing the case; it was professional, not personal. Well, not entirely professional, Rafael admitted just a few months ago. Jealously of her relationship with Tucker may have clouded his judgement, but she knew that even if Rafael hadn’t been in love with her, he still would have reported her indiscretion because it was part of his job; it was his responsibility and his duty. Rafael Barba was too honest to intentionally blur lines.   
Olivia shook herself out of her own head and back to the people in front of her.

Elliott was still looking at Rafael, his eyebrows slightly scrunched together as he continued to talk with Kathy and Kathleen. Elliott met Olivia’s eye and raised a single eyebrow at her, as if to say _really, this is the guy_. Olivia smiled at him, nodded and laced her fingers with Rafael’s. Rafael unconsciously gave her hand a squeeze. Elliott nodded back at her, accepting her assessment of the man. 

“It is good to see you again Mr. Barba, but we don’t mean to keep the three of you. Go, take Olivia away for whatever surprise you boys have in store for her.” Kathy told Rafael, who chuckled before looking to Olivia to confirm that she was finished at the courthouse. Oliva smiled at him and Rafael nodded in understanding. 

“Come on mijo, lets go pack up your stuff while we let your mom say bye to her friends.” Rafael and Noah went back over to their things on the bench, giving Olivia the space to say goodbye to the Stablers. 

Kathleen spoke first.

“I’ll let you know when celebrate the ruling. And by all means, bring Mr. Perfect with you to the party.” Kathleen grinned at her. 

“Mr. Perfect, really?” Elliott questioned.

“Please, if he wasn’t a good man Olivia would have kicked him to the curb years ago.” Kathy told him.

“Years?” Elliott looked at Olivia. 

“Yeah, El, years. He’s a good man, he loves me and Noah, and we love him. We’re a family.”

Elliott sighed as if the news of her dating a lawyer physically pained him.

“Fine. I guess I can get used to him…that is…if you’re still okay, with ya know.”

“Yeah, El. We’ll stay in touch.” She looked at Kathy and Kathleen once more. “Congrats again, let me know about that party.”

Olivia turned and walked toward Rafael and Noah, taking Rafael’s hand once more. He placed a kiss on her temple as he grabbed Noah’s backpack and Olivia grabbed Noah’s hand. The three of them walked out of the courthouse together. 

“So…what’s with the surprise?” Olivia asked as she leaned into his side. She could feel his chuckle in his chest as he answered.

“You will just have to wait and find out, Captain.”


	7. A Surprise Awaits

Rafael and Noah had led Olivia outside the courthouse and towards a parked car. She recognized it as Rafael’s mother’s car, a white nondescript sedan that she used primarily for charter school and church functions. Technically, it was Rafael’s car. He had bought it for her years ago so she wouldn’t have to worry about carrying all of her school supplies and paperwork to and from school on the subway. Olivia looked sideways at Rafael, trying to figure out his plan. Rafael smirked as he caught her side-eye. Rafael opened the back passenger door and Olivia saw Noah’s booster seat already installed in the back seat along with a pile of blankets next to it. Noah climbed into his seat and Olivia buckled him in as Rafael took her bag from her shoulder and opened the passenger door for her. Once Noah was secure, Olivia closed the back door and faced Rafael with a single eyebrow raised. 

“What are you up to Rafael?” He smiled innocently at her, shrugged, and opened the door a little wider so she could comfortably climb inside. Olivia slid into the seat, grabbing her bag back from him and placed it at her feet, keeping herself clear of the door as Rafael closed it with a solid _thunk_. Rafael walked around the front of the car and got in the driver’s seat, bucked his own seatbelt, and pulled out into traffic. With one more glance over at him, Olivia turned her attention to Noah in the back seat, who had taken his workbook back out of his backpack. While Noah tried to avoid homework like any other elementary schooler, especially over the summer, he was always intent to finish what he had started, no matter how hard he had to struggle through it. He was persistent and stubborn, something he got from her. Although, the longer that Rafael was in their lives the more she realized that Noah also got it from him. 

“Noah, how was camp today?” 

“It was good, Mom. We got to go to the pool today and Steven and Allison and I swam all the way to the bottom to pick up the rings. Allison got the most, but I came in second. Steven can’t hold his breath for very long, so he only got like three. But last week he only got two so I guess he is getting better.” Rafael reached over and grabbed Olivia’s hand, bringing them both to rest on the center consol. Olivia smiled as she listened to Noah’s account of his day at camp. She loved listening to him, telling her all about his day. She knew that the days when he was willing to be so joyful and open with her would become more rare as he entered his pre-teen and teenage years. Rafael’s thumb brushed over her knuckles as he drove.

Olivia kept mostly silent as Noah talked, content to listen to her little boy’s thoughts and ramblings. Occasionally, she or Rafael would ask him a question or say a joke to keep him talking, both enjoying his enthusiasm. Rafael made his way north out of the city. Without any GPS in the car Olivia couldn’t snoop for a destination. Instead, she relaxed back in her seat, content to listen to her son and enjoy her hand in Rafael’s. Noah eventually ran out of things to talk about, a rare occurrence, and switched to watching cartoons on his tablet. Looking at the clock, Olivia realized that they had been driving for just over an hour. For the first time since getting into the car, Olivia actually focused on the scenery that was passing her by. Olivia had no idea where they were, other than in some small town she had never seen before. She looked around at the signage, trying to find any clue as to where they were or where they were headed. Finding nothing recognizable, Olivia turned once again to Rafael. He had noticed her confusion and simply squeezed her hand slightly when she turned toward him.

“Where in the world are you taking us Rafa?” Olivia questioned. Rafael shook his head, determined to keep the surprise. Realizing that he wasn’t going to give in, Olivia huffed in slight annoyance as she sat back and continued to stare out the window. She watched as they passed schools and playgrounds; a small market and grocery store; a fitness center and a pizzeria. People walked down the street: a couple was holding hands, children were playing and running after each other, a couple people were jogging. It was the type of place she had only ever seen in Hallmark movies… and it worried her. She thought back to those moments when Rafael seemed distant. She had been worried that he was having second thoughts about her and about _them_. He assured her that it was him and the grant proposal; that he was just exhausted. And she believed him. Maybe it was her. Maybe this is what he wanted now, a life out of the city, a quiet life in some picturesque town. Olivia’s heart clenched. She wasn’t ready yet. She remembered her conversation with Ed all of those years ago. He wanted her to retire too, take time to finally smell the roses. She wasn’t ready then. She wasn’t now. She thought they were on the same page…

Rafael pulled over into a parking lot of some local burger joint, _Joe’s Burgers and Shakes_. It was small, just big enough for a grill and someone to take orders on the inside. There were only a few tables outside but that clearly didn’t stop the locals from flocking to the site. The building was painted bright blue and white with a mural on the side depicting the cuisine inside: cheeseburgers, fries, milkshakes, and corn dogs. All the usual fare for a small-town watering hole. There was another sign hung in the window, _Open since 1968_ and another next to it, _Support local business_.

“Okay, everyone out, dinner’s on me!” Rafael called as he put the car in park. Noah’s eyes brightened as he saw the giant chocolate shake on the side of the building.

“Awesome!” He shouted from the back seat. Olivia was a little slower on the uptake, still in her head about what this trip was all about. She slowly unbuckled and joined them out in front of the car. Olivia met Rafael’s gaze for a minute before looking away. Rafael shot her a confused look but let her pretend to peruse the menu. 

“I want a cheeseburger and fries and, MOM, can I have a chocolate milkshake too?” Despite her internal worries, Olivia could not help but smile and shake her head at his enthusiasm. 

“You can have a _small_ fry and milkshake, Noah.” Was her response. Rafael stepped up to the window to order: 3 cheeseburgers, 3 small fries, and 3 milkshakes; 2 chocolate and 1 strawberry. 

Olivia and Noah went to find an outdoor table, but they were all full of other families, so they waited with Rafael off to the side until their order was called. Rafael went to get their order, juggling the bag and three milkshakes. He nodded over to the curb and they all sat next to each other with Noah in the middle. 

They ate in relative silence, each enjoying their meal while looking at the small town around them. The sun was just beginning to set, casting a faint orange glow on everything. She looked over at the two of them. Noah was dunking his fries in his milkshake – a new delicacy that Rafael had taught him just minutes before and  
Rafael was gathering up a napkin to wipe Noah’s face as he somehow managed to get chocolate on his nose. It really was picture perfect. So what if they moved out here and left the city for good? It still made her uneasy thinking of it and Olivia couldn’t finish her milkshake. 

“Ya know Liv,” Rafael started, “The host at Bonne Assiette called this morning, says he has an opening in a few weeks for a dinner reservation. Do you think we could try for that dinner again?” He said it nonchalantly and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. He could tell that something was bothering her, but she also wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. He wondered if it was the same thing that was bothering her that morning. 

Olivia was surprised. She had forgotten about their missed dinner at Bonne Assiette all those months ago. Well, forgotten may have been the wrong word. She would always remember him asking her and the excitement and nervousness that gripped her leading up their _not date_ , but everything that had happened since had overshadowed the fact that they never made it to dinner. Suddenly, another conversation from that night came to mind. 

**_If you don’t want to go, that’s fine, we can get burgers and fries and sit on the street corner for all I care, Liv._ **

Olivia smiled at the memory and took another glace at Rafael. He was looking at her now, an unsure look in his eye. He was worried about her, she could tell. So, she smiled at him.

“Yeah, Rafa, that would be great.” She was sincere, she really was excited, but the smile that broke out on his face confirmed something slightly terrifying; she would give up everything in New York City if she could keep that smile on his face. It would be an adjustment, but she would find a way and she would find a meaning in this new life in Who-knows-where-ville. And she knew that he would help her. As long at the three of them were together, it didn’t matter where they were.  
The trio finished their shakes and Rafael moved to throw their trash away as Olivia went and got Noah buckled into his booster seat. Rafael settled back into his driver’s seat with a slight groan. 

“You good back there, mijo?” 

“Ready, Rafa!” 

“Alright!” Rafael looked over at Olivia, “Ready for the surprise?”

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, but she was smiling, and nodded her head.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” Noah chanted from the back seat. Rafael laughed and pulled out into the road. They drove for another 10 or so minutes, Rafael finally pulling into the parking lot of middle school. Rafael continued to drive around the perimeter of the school to the back before pulling into a parking space next to a set of sports fields.

Olivia looked over at him, both eyebrows raised. 

“We drove all the way out here to go to school?” 

“Have a little faith, Liv!” Rafael was still smiling, and Noah was practically vibrating in the back seat from his excitement. She trusted Rafael with her life, which he knew, she was just so _confused_. Seeing that Olivia was rapidly approaching the end of her rope, Rafael popped the trunk open and told her to help him carry everything after unbuckling Noah. Once free from the car, Noah grabbed the entire pile blankets that had been sitting next to him and dashed onto the nearest soccer field. 

“Noah, wait!” Olivia called after him.

“Liv, he’s fine.”

Olivia joined Rafael at the trunk. 

“Okay, time to spill Counselor.”

Rafael simply handed Olivia a soccer ball.

“Soccer? We drove for over an hour to play soccer?” She questioned him. Rafael was undeterred and still in a happy mood. 

“Don’t forget the burgers. I promised you burgers on the curb months ago and I _always_ keep my promises.” Rafael leaned in a little closer to her, crowding her just enough to set her heart racing. 

“But soccer? We can play soccer at any park in the city, Rafa.” 

“But we can’t get a very good look at the stars while still in the city, can we?” Rafael absolutely beamed at her before reaching back into the trunk and pulling out a silver telescope.

Olivia’s breath caught in her throat as she once again was transported to that night…

**_“Noah seemed pretty entertained with whatever you were telling him.” Olivia countered. Rafael leaned towards her slightly, moving his arm to rest along the back of the couch._ **

**_“I was telling him about the stars. He asked me what my favorite part about Iowa was, and I told him that on days when I was feeling particularly homesick, I would drive outside of the city to some park or field and get out and look up at the stars; I told him that there were more stars in the sky than lights in New York city, which he thought was unbelievable.” They shared a chuckle, then he continued. “Then I said that I tried to find a star for everyone that I missed, the brightest stars that I could find, and imagine what they were doing, as if the star was a light that they still had on for the night. That always seemed to make me feel better; closer to friends and family.”_ **

**_Olivia looked at him tenderly, “You never told me you did that.” Rafael smiled back at her._ **

**_“It wouldn’t have changed anything; I was still in Iowa and everyone else was here in the city. Besides, now Noah wants to go see the stars for himself. Thankfully, I think I convinced him that we can see the stars here in the state of New York and we do not have to go all the way to Iowa.” Olivia reached her hand out across the back of the couch, resting her hand on his for a moment._ **

**_“That is very sweet of you, are you thinking of taking him to the planetarium?” Rafael’s smile grew ever so slightly._ **

**_“Something like that, yeah.” He said it wistfully, like there was more he was thinking about but wasn’t wanting to share._ **

“And you always keep your promises.” Olivia said tenderly.

Rafael half shrugged his right shoulder, as if it was no big deal to just drive over an hour out of the city so her son could see the stars. She looked him with damp eyes, grabbing him by his shirt and gently pulling him in for a lingering kiss.

“I love you.” Olivia whispered against his lips when they parted.

“I love you too.” He smiled against her lips. 

“Mom! Dad! Come on, we need to get everything set up!” Noah called from the middle of a soccer field. 

If either of them noticed Noah’s slip of the tongue, neither of them said anything about it. 

“We better get going, someone seems to be a little impatient.” Rafael said as he gathered another bag in his arm. Olivia shut the trunk and joined him as they made their way over to Noah, who was already setting blankets out.

“So…this is great, but are we allowed to be here, especially after dark?”

“Mami knows the Principal and Vice Principal through a school partnership program and they gave us permission to be here after hours. They mentioned at their last conference that the town partners with the school to do continued education programs over the summer…one of them is star gazing. Apparently, the town is just far enough out of New York that on clear nights you can see stars and constellations light up the sky. If you add in a better than average telescope courtesy of a friend over at NYU’s Physics department…” Rafael lifted the telescope up a few inches before lowering it back to his side “we’ll probably see a star or two.”

“Thank you, Rafa. This is truly amazing and…” She trailed off, literally speechless at his thoughtfulness. Rafael smiled shyly. 

“And the soccer ball?”

“To run some energy out of him. It isn’t going to be dark until after 8:00 so we have some time to kill.” 

Rafael set down the telescope on the blankets and told Noah they would set it up once they were closer to sun set. He then grabbed some bottled water and a small speaker from the bag and hooked it up to his phone while Olivia took off her work shoes. It had been a long time since either of them had played soccer, but Noah wasn’t much of a soccer player either so she was sure they could hold her own. Classic rock started playing from the speaker and Rafael joined them by the soccer ball. They couldn’t pair off into even teams, so the adults took turns being Noah’s “teammate” as the third tried to steal the ball back. They didn’t keep score and ended up just dribbling the ball back and forth before collapsing on the blankets in exhaustion. 

The sun had practically set when Rafael decided it was time to set up the telescope while they had some lingering sunlight. Lucia had prepared some learning sheets for their outing, providing a list of constellations they were supposed to find. Both Rafael and Olivia took turns with Noah at the telescope, peering up at the stars and looking for constellations. Eventually, the three settled back on the blankets to take in the clear night sky. Olivia cuddled against Rafael’s left side as Noah laid on his right. Noah had drifted off to sleep minutes before and was bundled up in a Rafael’s spare sweatshirt and a blanket, sleeping soundly. 

“It looks like your plan worked; he is out like a light.” Olivia whispered in his ear. Rafael smiled softly, enjoying having them on either side of him. 

“Between camp earlier today and our rousing soccer game I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did.” Rafael replied softly so as not to wake Noah.

“Its nice up here.” Olivia commented cautiously. Yes, she would move with him. Yes, she would move _for_ him if he asked. It turns out that the three of them in Who-knows-where-ville didn’t seem like a terrible idea. But she was still nervous and afraid of giving everything up and moving away from the city she had lived her entire life. 

“Yeah, it is.” Rafael agreed. “The quiet is kind of nice, but honestly I think it would drive me a little crazy long term. But, if you’re up for it, I could see us coming up here again. I think Mami said they have a drive-in theater we could try sometime.”

Olivia smiled. “Definitely.” She was relieved and should have known that Rafael was as much of a city kid as she was and thrived on the hustle and bustle of the city.

“If it’s something that we…you know…want to keep doing…in the future we could think about getting a place up here. Something small and modest for weekends away in the summer and…like holidays.” Rafael stumbled through his thought, hoping that Olivia couldn’t feel his racing heart. Olivia, of course, could, and lifted her head up to look at him.

“Like a vacation home?” Olivia questioned him. Rafael sighed.

“Yeah, like a vacation home. I was thinking about buying something as an investment property and thought that we might as well get some use out of it too. Mami’s been out here for her school partnership program, mentioned it was nice, I thought I might be a nice place to spend time together…” Rafael trailed off as Olivia smiled at him and nestled herself back into his side.

“An investment property, huh?” 

“Yes, an investment property. I was already thinking about it and looked up the area when Mami mentioned the star gazing.” Rafael paused. “There are a few different lakes nearby, and a few small ski slopes if Noah wanted to learn. And when we aren’t using the place, we could rent it out or split the cost with someone else and take turns up here. There’s no rush…so just…we can take our time to think about it.” Olivia chuckled into his side.

“Just out of curiosity, what exactly were you thinking about doing with the money from this investment?” Rafael sighed again.

“I was thinking money for college.”

Olivia’s head shot up to look at him again in shock.

“College?” 

Rafael refused to meet her eye and instead focused on the sky above them.

“Noah’s almost eight, that gives us about 10 years before he goes to college if that’s what he decides. I know that I might have been overstepping a little, but I looked  
at the cost of college and, Liv, I don’t know when the last time _you_ looked at the cost of college but _I_ was not prepared for what I found.”

Olivia looked at him, noticed the concern in his eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was concern for the cost of college or concern for _admitting_ he was looking into the cost of college. Either way, Olivia’s heart filled with love for the man next to her. She laid her head on his shoulder, hugging him a little closer, before placing a kiss on the side of his neck.

“Was this your big surprise, Rafa.”

“No, not intentionally. It really was just supposed to be about star gazing. It was more for Noah, but I’m glad we were able to do this together. I was going to bring up the vacation home idea sometime in the future, but I think better when I get to talk about things with you. I didn’t mean to spring anything on you.” He felt Olivia shake her head against his shoulder, silently telling him that he was fine.

“I love that you are thinking about college.” She admitted to him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Rafael and Olivia settled into light conversation again, discussing their work, Noah, and now the potential of an investment property. It was nothing big or serious, just touching base with each other now that Noah was asleep and fantasizing about a life where they could get out of the city for Christmas and the summer, most likely with Rafael’s mother, and come up here for a relaxing escape. 

The music stopped and Rafael gently reached for his phone to change the music, switching to playlist with R&B, jazz, and soul. His music choice was unusually varied. Having saved cassettes, records, and CD’s throughout his life, Rafael Barba had a collection and interest in music that crossed all genres. The two continued to chat lightly, enjoying the peace of laying in each other’s arms. During a pause in conversation, Rafael slowly stood up, careful not to wake Noah, and without a word gently tugged Olivia to her feet. Olivia followed, implicitly trusting him.

Rafael drew her closer to him, taking her left hand in his right and placing his left hand on her hip. Having caught on, Olivia placed her remaining hand on his shoulder as they began to gently sway to the sounds of Sam Cooke. Although it didn’t happen often, dancing with each other was something both Olivia and Rafael enjoyed doing. They had danced at the occasional formal work function when he was still with the DA’s office. It was always short, just a song or two, and completely professional. Usually, he would ask when they were both desperate to get out of the political air for a few moments. A short dance between colleagues, specifically with each other, was a great way to relax for a minute before heading back into the throng of police brass and lawyers. It had always been platonic; brief moments between friends at a work function, and completely different from how they danced together now. 

The soothing voice of Nat King Cole was drifting from the speaker as Rafael and Olivia continued to dance, slowly rotating around in each other’s arms, swaying to the music. They were cheek to cheek, Olivia’s hand had moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck, her fingers lightly resting just above his collar. 

“Marry me?”

Olivia’s heart stopped. She moved her head back to look at him, looking for any sign that she misheard, or he was joking. She found none.

“What?”

“Mary me.” He said it softly, sounding like something between a statement and a request.

Olivia stared at him. Standing here in his arms, she felt safe and loved. She knew that he loved her, and that he loved Noah. She knew he would never leave them, never again. He looked at her like she precious, but not like she was fragile. He loved her like no other man, like no other person, had ever loved her. She knew her answer, but before she could vocalize it…

“Sorry I didn’t plan this very well.” Rafael looked at her, faced scrunched with worry. Olivia’s eyebrows shot up and she smirked at him.

“Plan? Rafa, are you kidding? We are literally dancing under the stars.” She laughed at that. Of course, this was unintentional. The man was just too damn romantic for his own good. 

“Well…I wasn’t really planning on doing this now. If I was, I would have brought the ring.” Rafael defended gently.

“You have a ring?” Olivia breathed out. He was serious. _He bought a ring._

“Yeah, I told you I wasn’t planning on doing it now, but I was planning on doing it soon. I’ve had the ring for weeks but couldn’t figure out how to ask you. I thought I could keep it to myself for just a little bit longer...” Rafael squeezed her a little bit, bring her back into his arms as she laid her head on his shoulder. “I guess I was wrong.”

Olivia hummed as she got comfortable against him, and they continued to move to the music. As they circled around once more, Olivia looked at Noah. He had fallen asleep, practically swimming in Rafael’s sweatshirt and wrapped up in another blanket. Olivia reflected on the last six months with Rafael. She had never been happier than she had been since he had stepped back into their lives. Noah had been thriving with him there. The consistent support from another role model, another _parent_ wasn’t something she had realized he needed. The three of them had become a family.

“Yes.” Olivia said into his neck. Now it was Rafael who stopped them both, moving back to look at her, shock on his face.

“Yes?”

“Yes, Rafa. It’s always been yes.” 

Rafael beamed at her, tears pricking at his eyes. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. It wasn’t hurried or heated. It was soft, but intimate to seal the moment together. They broke apart but never left each other’s arms. 

“I love you Liv. And I love Noah.”

“We love you too Rafa.” Olivia laughed softly, “And to think, this morning I was trying to figure out how to get you to move in with me.” Rafael raised an eyebrow at her.

“You wanted me to move in?”

“I want you to be with us all the time. I want you by my side through everything.”

Rafael smirked at her, but it was full of love. 

“Like partners?”

“Yeah, exactly like partners.” 

Rafael nodded and looked at her with such love and sentiment.

“I would consider it the greatest honor of my life to be your partner, Olivia Benson.”

Olivia laughed, “You are such a sap.” She leaned in a pressed her lips to his in a quick kiss. 

“But ditto.”

Rafael belted out a laugh, and Olivia joined in. When they were finished, they wakened Noah just long enough to get him into the car. Rafael started driving back to New York, one hand on the wheel and one grasping Olivia’s. Olivia looked at him as he drove, taking in his profile and reflecting on everything they had been through together. She looked at Noah in the rearview mirror and smiled. Rafael was her partner; he always had been. He completed her family. She smiled and closed her eyes, leaning back in the car seat and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't clear, Rafael had been distracted not because of the grant proposal, as he told Olivia, but because of the marriage proposal. 
> 
> Also, the song they are dancing to at the end, in my head, is "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole.


End file.
